3 Approaches to Handling Stress

I don't think this post is clever at all. If you have a chronic illness or a disability, that post is mildly to pretty infuriating. Let me break it down for you:

1. "Desire to beat stress and keep going!" Er. My medium days are actually a physical signal to me to slow down and stop altogether, before this turns into a bad day where I cannot sit up. I am not joking. Following this particular attitude actually made me worse, until I learned to stop doing this.

2. "Go out and take a quick walk." I can't walk more than 100 feet, quickly or otherwise. Thanks.

3. "Tackle the things that you can." On any given day, when I wake up, I do not know what I "can" do.

4. "Delegate." Not a current problem, but back to my office days, I frequently had absolutely no one that I could delegate to - that was precisely why the office/job was stressful. This article assumes that office workers are working in a team, which is not always true, and assumes that other office workers can pick up some of your tasks, which, when the entire team/department is under deadline, is absolutely, completely not true. Believe me, I delegated when I could, but I am also telling you, this is not always possible.

5. "Eat regularly." A source of my stress is that I physically cannot always do this without getting either extremely ill or exhausted.

6. "Stressful situations usually do not pop out of nowhere. Half of them would probably be seen coming well in advance if you are alert enough."

Seriously, blog author, FUCK YOU. And I mean that in the kindest possible manner.

Yes, I've been able to see some stressful things coming. But I am a woman in my 30s who ate well and exercised regularly who was suddenly struck down by a completely unpredictable illness. (Ironically, this hit just as my life was pretty stress free.) Other unforeseen stresses in the past five years have included my mother's breast cancer, my father's heart attack, a close friend getting hit by a drunk driver, and so on.

Once you are sick, you begin to realize just WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTROL. Which includes getting back medical test results in a timely manner, getting doctor's offices to forward medical records, the entire social security network, transportation, and more.

Even apart from the issue of illness, I'm going to argue with the entire premise - most of my stress, throughout my life, has come from events that I could not predict - that was precisely why they were stressful. I deal with hurricanes and their aftermath quite well BECAUSE I KNOW THEY ARE COMING. It's the unexpected that causes stress, and her blithe assumption that you can foresee most stress makes me seriously wonder what planet she's coming from. Clearly not one where she has had to deal with a a major, unexpected illness. And procrastination of remedial actions? Thank you for blaming the victim.

7. "Have a hot shower." I physically can't do this either since I cannot sit or stand up in a hot shower without getting dizzy and falling, and yes, I've injured myself. What's particularly annoying about this one is that it could have easily been changed to "have a hot shower or bath, or, if you can, try soaking your feet in hot water," which gives more possibilities.

8. "Pursue a hobby." This might well work in some cases. But in many cases, the stress stems from not being able to pursue a hobby for time or physical reasons?

To get off the topic of me, for instance, my downstairs neighbor, a single mother, is working two jobs and has a four year old. Yes, her mother-in-law helps, but how much time do you think this woman has to pursue a hobby?

9. "Have a good sleep every night." Again, this is not physically possible for some people. And actually, stress can trigger my insomnia (although one benefit to chronic fatigue is that I don't have much of the insomnia any more, yay.)

I realize that this article was not targeted at the chronically ill or disabled. And that's exactly why I critiqued it above - and could have gone on at even further length - because I've noticed that many of the articles you've linked to do share this problem: the assumption that the stressed out person is mostly suffering from time management/exercise/diet/hobby issues.

And sure, sometimes that's absolutely true - it's been true in my life, certainly. But sometimes it isn't, and it's the isn't that is the real stress.

One other point, regarding his "stop complaining."

Again, bullshit. I found this year that several people didn't realize what my specific issues were precisely because I was following this advice and not complaining. Thus, they had no idea how upset and hurt I was, and were upset that I didn't complain. Complaining actually helped fix several situations - sometimes with a friend contacting other friends and saying, "Er, did you know...."

And that, above all, reduced my stress...well, at least until August when Social Security raised it again, but that's another story.

Apologies for language. I guess "pretty infuriating" was an understatement.

I'm in general agreement with mariness -- this advice isn't for everybody. Maybe not even for most people. A lot of my stress comes from being a caregiver, and peaks in situations that can't easily be walked away from. The part about remembering to eat is no help for someone who's overweight and eats for comfort. And so on.

The bit about "...hobby, preferably sports"... that comes up in a lot of these lists, and it's infuriating to someone for whom sports were a torment in school, and physically difficult now. I do walk, though.

The article sounded like it was referring to a particular sort of stress situation (and a particular sort of person, maybe). It would happen at an office, and could be left at the office; home was a refuge. As said, the person involved was able bodied and walking or other exercise was an option. Also, apparently the situation would be on-going, with time to complain to a mentor and to sleep or not sleep. And with people to delegate to; the person would be in some position of responsibility.

I think it might have been better put in the style of a story, a short narrative of some example of the sort of problem she is thinking of. Maybe with some characters, one of whom does it right, one does it wrong.

With the right kind of disclaimer and limitation, for a great many people these may be good ideas.