Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
  • Mood: busy

On Being Likable

Here's an interesting article on the skills of likability.

I have to start by observing that, NO, "everyone" does not want to be liked. For some people, being liked is nice, but not a necessity or even a high priority. In fact a strong need to be liked makes one unsuitable for certain jobs which tend to make enemies quickly.

On the other hoof, likability skills are useful in a majority of jobs and social situations. This is a pretty good list of them. I'm good at some, indifferent at others, and inept at some.

The most effective in my experience is offering help. That's my #1 rule in networking: offer someone a favor before you ask a favor. Most of the pro writers I'm friends with, I made friends with by handing them a review I wrote of their book(s). That works.
Tags: life lessons, news, writing
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  • 3 comments

LOL

Anonymous

February 2 2008, 16:42:58 UTC 13 years ago

Well, no, I don't NEED to be liked. But you have to admit it's a useful tool, in certain situations. I use "Be Interested", "Intention", and "Allow Others To Talk" pretty much all the time. "Smile" gets used sometimes (usually with kids), but is not as common. I've heard of mirroring, but it was in a different context so I never thought to use it to make someone like me. I'll probably try to add it to my repertoire. But really, the people I consider to be my true friends are the ones with whom I can turn off these analytical tools once in a while. I mean, who wants to be in a bunch of relationships where you're constantly using subtle manipulation on the other person in order to get them to like you?
ysabetwordsmith

Re: LOL

ysabetwordsmith

February 2 2008, 17:47:26 UTC 13 years ago

I already said that it was a useful tool. It's a good way to get things out of people, but it's also a good way to make friends or just be a nice person.

But being liked isn't all there is to life. There are circumstantial factors that can cause people to dislike or hate someone, regardless of their actual personality or behavior. If that person's emotional equilibrium depends on being liked -- as it does for many people -- that's a severe disadvantage. Someone for whom being liked is nice, but not crucial, would have a higher chance of survival and success in such conditions. Conversely, someone with a high need for being liked tends to put more effort into making that happen, and in the absence of countervailing factors, will probably have more friends and higher success through social connections.

If one has a high need to be liked, one is more inclined to do things aimed at achieving popularity; for instance, attending social functions. If one has a low need to be liked, one can skip those and spend the time on something one considers more important -- career or education, creative pursuits, spirituality, etc.

Oops....

Anonymous

February 2 2008, 18:36:47 UTC 13 years ago

"I already said that it was a useful tool."

Didn't mean to imply you hadn't. Sorry.