Poem: "Pie Day"

This poem was written outside the regular prompt calls based on a request from ng_moonmoth. It fills the "Pie" square in my 3-1-20 card for the Food Fest Bingo. It has been sponsored by a pool with ng_moonmoth. This poem belongs to the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.


"Pie Day"

[Saturday, March 14, 2015]

"Are you coming for Pie Day?"
Edison shrieked in his ear. "Tell me
that you're coming for Pie Day!"

Shiv pulled the phone away from
his ear. "What the f--freaking heck
is Pie Day?" he demanded.

"Three point one four," Edison said,
like that was an actual explanation.

"Let me try, dear," said Elisabeth
as she took over. "March 14 is Pi Day,
because the first part of the number pi
is three point one four, which is the same
as the numbers for that calendar date.
We celebrate by getting together and
baking the most exotic pies we can find."

"I like pie," Shiv said, then shook his head.
"But today is Saturday, our busiest day.
I dunno if I can get any time off at all."

"What if you pitched it as a research trip?"
said Elisabeth. "I know Blues Moon is
testing new recipes. How often do you
get a chance to try lots of different pies
made with exotic ingredients, for free?"

"Not very," Shiv said. "Okay, I'll ask Cook.
If he lets me off the hook, when should I
show up and what should I bring?"

"Anywhen and anything," she said.
"Don't worry about finding a ride,
we have Junket and Zipper here."

"Of course you do," Shiv said, laughing.
"Instant teleporter party, just add pie!"

After he hung up, he trotted downstairs
to ask Cook about some time off.

"Finns are throwing a pie party
and they invited me," Shiv said.
"If you can spare me a few hours,
I might come back with new recipes."

Cook rubbed his chin. "Reckon
I can. What do you plan to take?"

"Fuck, I don't know," Shiv said.
"I don't really make a lot of pies."

"How'bout gooseberry?" Cook said.
"We got plenty froze, and they
maybe haven't had that."

"Yeah, that works," Shiv said.
He liked gooseberry pie, and
it wasn't very hard to make.

"Well, get you some gooseberries
and get gone," Cook said, and
shooed him toward the freezer.

Shiv picked up the fruit and
then dialed for a ride.

Junket met him on
the back patio, took
one look, and said,
"Gooseberries! Yay!"

Teleporters were easy
to make friends with:
you just had to feed them.

They landed at the Finn house,
where Junket bounded into
the dining room and sat
between Zipper and Lorry.

"Oh hey, Lorry my man!"
Shiv said, patting him on
the shoulder. "Good to see
you. Is Alicia here too?"

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen,"
Lorry said with his mouth full.

Shiv squeezed into the kitchen,
which was packed with Finns
and some family friends.

"Hi, Shiv!" said Alicia.
"I finished my Unicorn Pie!"

Shiv stared at a monstrosity of
what looked like pastel pudding blobs
topped with rainbow sprinkles and
little severed unicorn heads
hopefully made of sugar.

"That's, um, very colorful,"
he said diplomatically.

"Mine's done too," Edison said.
"I made Cereal Killer Pie."

"Are those Rainbow Bites?"
Shiv said, looking at the cereal
embedded in something white. He
wondered if there was anything
actually edible on offer today.

"Yeah," said Edison. "They
have food in them."

That was technically true,
since Rainbow Bites were
oats, rice, and corn spiked with
various fruits and vegetables.

"You worked hard on that,"
Shiv recited. Elisabeth had
taught him some good lines.

She came up beside him,
her hands full of a bowl with ...
something purple ... inside.
"Do you need a place to work?"

"Yeah, but I can make mine
in the dining room or wherever,"
Shiv said. "It's not so fancy
that I really need the kitchen."

"Oh good," said Elisabeth.
"We need all the handoffs
that we can get today."

Shiv took his gooseberries
to the table, then showed
Elisabeth the recipe so she
could gather ingredients
and utensils for him.

"What are you making?"
he asked when she
brought out his stuff.

"Purple sweet potato pie,"
said Elisabeth. "I got the recipe
from a patient in Honolulu."

"I like sweet potato pie,"
Shiv said as he started on
his pie crust. "I've never
had purple, though."

Just then, Simon
rolled up to the table
with his lap full of
his own pie supplies.

Shiv spotted the molasses.
"Shoofly pie!" he squealed.

Tolli laughed. "He's got you
there, Simon," he said. "In case
you're curious, Shiv, I'm making
a Ruby Cacao Ganache Tart."

"Sounds fancy," Shiv said,
feeling a bit homesick for Gray.

He mixed up the filling, then
spooned it into the pie crust.

"Nah, it's a lot simpler than
it sounds," Tolli assured him.
"What kind of pie are you doing?"

"Gooseberry," said Shiv. "It's
not hard either. Gooseberries
grow wild all over Nebraska, so
this is a popular flavor there."

He folded the top crust over
his pie, carefully pinching
the edges into little points.

Then he used a scalpel
with a fine point to cut out
the maple-leaf shape of
a gooseberry bush.

"That's gorgeous,"
Junked praised.

"I think that I cut
the stems too thin,"
Shiv said critically.
"It's gonna break."

"So what?" Lorry said.
"We going to eat it anyway!"

Shiv laughed. "You win,"
he said, and took his pie
into the kitchen to bake.

After putting it in the oven,
he stood up and stretched.

Shiv spotted Aidan across
the crowded kitchen and
made sure to stand back.

The shear wasn't too bad
as long as they kept
enough other people
in between them.

It was confusing,
though: Aidan had
apparently lined a dish
with sorrel leaves and was
now adding strawberries
with Saraphina's help.

"What the heck are
you making, salad pie?"
Shiv said, laughing.

"In spring, my people used
to celebrate the First Fruits
like this," Aidan said quietly.
"We would line a basket with
sweet leaves and then put fruit
on top, with honey if someone
didn't mind getting stung to get it."

Shiv felt like a dick for teasing him.
"It looks good," he said. "You let me
know when it's done, yeah, and
I'll come get me a slice of it."

"I'll let you know," Aidan said.

Drew wiped his hands on a towel.
"If you don't need me, I'd like
to get started on my pie."

"Go ahead," Aidan said,
waving him away.

"Need a hand?"
Shiv said. "I'm
done with mine."

"Great, I need a bunch
of graham crackers crushed,"
Drew said. "If you can do that
while I make the crust, it'll
save me a lot of time."

Shiv looked at the recipe
and started laughing again.
"Sawdust pie?" he said.

"That's what it looks like
when it's done, because of
the graham cracker crumbs
and pecans," Drew explained.

Shiv grabbed a marble rolling pin
and started mashing the crackers.

Drew made the crust and then
put it in the oven for blind baking.

"Where do you want me to set up?"
Cash yelled from the living room.

"Out there if you don't mind,"
Elisabeth said, squeezing between
Shiv and Drew. "We need as much
vanilla ice cream as you can make,
and some ginger wouldn't go amiss."

"Coming right up," Cash said.

"I'm so glad to have him,"
Drew said. "We used to have
to buy the stuff in restaurant tubs
for this event, and we never did
find a brand that was really good."

"Yeah, no, big batch ice cream
just isn't that great," Shiv said.

His mouth watered at the thought
of Cold Cash ice cream, though.
He had tried to poach the guy for
Blues Moon, only get turned down.

Just as they put Drew's pie in the oven,
Aida arrived with Zipper and a tray full
of pies that smelled fishy and smoky.

"What is it what is it what is it?"
Shiv said, dancing around her.

"This is smoked tuna pie, from
the Maldives," Aida said.

"We usually make savory pies
after the sweet pies, so the smells
don't mix too much," Dr. G said
as he came into the kitchen. "I'm
doing Irish Shepherd's Pie -- I
scored some fresh lamb for it."

"If you're not baking, please
make room for those who are,"
Elisabeth said, gently shooing Shiv
and Drew back out of the kitchen.

At least Shiv managed to snag
some of Aida's tuna pie first.

The flavor filled his whole mouth
and rose up into his nose like
smoke from a campfire, rich
and delicious and filling.

He was licking his plate
when Mallory sat down and
started cleaning chile peppers.

"What the fuck?" Shiv said.

She gave him a supervillain laugh.
"It's for Hatch Green Chile Apple Pie,"
Mallory explained. "Gonna want some?"

"I've played food roulette with Pain's Gray,"
Shiv said, feeling homesick for Motor City
again. "You won't scare me off that easy."

"Pie pie pie!" shrieked Dairinne.

"She learned a new word today,"
Heron said, sounding tired as he
settled beside Mallory. "Mine is
Three Meat Italian Pie. Somebody
tell me you want to help chop salami."

"Hey, I'm always up for cutting something,"
Shiv said. "Pass me the meat already."

Heron passed him the meat, and
Shiv cut the salami as well as
the pepperoni for the pie.

Elisabeth brought not only
her own purple pie but also
Aidan's salad pie to the table.

Shiv shoved some of each
onto his plate to sample.

The sorrel and strawberries,
drizzled with a little honey,
were mind-blowingly good.

"Ask Aidan if we can steal
this recipe for the restaurant,"
Shiv said, pointing with his fork.

"They're all in the family database,"
Elisabeth said. "You can't steal
what has been freely given."

Shiv squirmed away from
that idea. "Whatever,"
he said. "You want mine?"

"Yes, please," Elisabeth said,
and showed him how to upload it.

The purple sweet potato pie
had coconut on it, but otherwise
tasted a lot like the usual kind.

"Purple and white," Shiv said,
thoughtfully cutting it with his fork.
"Now all we need is black and gray,
and we could make an ace pie."

Heron leaned over to look.
"Well, dark chocolate or
molasses could be black,"
he said slowly. "If you cook
purple potatoes enough,
then they turn gray."

"It might take a bit
to work out the details,
but I think that's doable,"
Shiv said, and made notes
about what to try later.

Then Halley showed up
on the arm of some Italian
that Shiv didn't recognize, who
made a beeline for the pies.

"I brought ricotta pie,"
Halley said, setting it down.
Thon yawned. "I can't stay
here for too long because of
the time difference, or it'll
throw off my body clock."

"Yes, that's a challenge,"
Heron said, "though I suppose
it would be more of one if I didn't
have a baby in the house and
therefore no real sleep cycle."

Mallory laughed at him.
"Well, at least she's not
trying to chew your tits off."

"Fair point," Heron conceded.

Then Shiv noticed someone missing.
"Hey, where's Molly?" he said.

"Unfortunately, Molly is on call
today, so she won't be able
to join us," said Dr. G. "We'll
take some pie slices over to
Soup to Nuts for the zoom crew."

Shiv shoved the last of the purple pie
into his mouth and stood up. "I'll go,
I've got experience serving," he said.

"If we hurry, we can be back about
the time the meat pies come out,"
Zipper said, offering him an arm.

"Works for me," Shiv said.

Dr. G started plating up slices
while his wife fetched a serving tray.

Shiv hadn't noticed just when they got
the restaurant gear, but they had it now.

The Finns were just like that -- you
mentioned something would be useful
and then suddenly it showed up there.

He actually wound up with two trays,
one balanced on each of his hands.

"Can you jump us without spilling?"
Shiv said. "You'll have to grab on
to me 'cause I got my hands full."

"I never spill," Zipper bragged,
wrapping an arm around Shiv's waist.

And it didn't feel weird to Shiv at all.

* * *

Notes:

Pi Day is celebrated on 3.14.





Shiv makes Gooseberry Pie with a maple leaf crust.

Alicia makes Unicorn Pie topped with sprinkles.

Edison makes Cereal Killer Pie.

Rainbow Bites -- a cold cereal made from a multigrain base of oats, rice, and corn. The red balls are spiked with a berry powder, the orange with carrots, the yellow with citrus, the green with a greens powder, the blue with spirulina extract, and the purple with a different berry blend. It comes in three versions: unsweetened, with stevia, or with honey. The honey one is actually lighter in flavor and the stevia is quite sweet. This is subsidized by the government of Terramagne-America.

Mrs. Dr. G makes Purple Sweet Potato Pie.

Simon makes Shoofly Pie.

Tolli makes Ruby Cacao Ganache Tart.

Aidan's "pie" consists of lining the pie plate with sorrel leaves, filling it with fresh sliced strawberries, and then drizzling a bit of honey over the top. I couldn't find a reference, but yes, this is a historic dish varied across whatever local ingredients people could get.

Drew makes Sawdust Pie.

Aida makes Smoked Tuna Pie.

Dr. G makes Irish Shepherd's Pie.

Mallory makes Hatch Green Chile Apple Pie.

Heron makes Three Meat Italian Pie.

Halley makes Ricotta Pie.