Poem: "Created by the Restitution"
This poem was written outside the regular prompt calls. It fills the "Energy" square in my 10-1-20 card for the Fall Festival Bingo. It has been sponsored by a pool with ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fuzzyred, technoshaman, and ng_moonmoth. This poem belongs to the China's Mistake, Shiv, and Finn Family threads of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "Worth Defending," "Comfort on Difficult Days," "Beyond Any Other Emotional Pain," "Their Need for Our Disciplinary Assistance," and "To Endure Pain with Patience," so read those first or this won't make any sense. To get the complete coverage of Boss Finn stomping her way up the ladder, read the stories "Boss Talk" (with Rinaldo), "Lateral Discussion" (with Gigio), "Captain's Prerogative" (with Pinocchio), and "Meeting of Minds" (with Il Dottore).
"Created by the Restitution"
[Saturday, February 6, 2016 in Mercedes, California]
Shiv slunk into the office,
feeling like he was in trouble,
even though Elisabeth had
insisted that he wasn't.
"Please sit down,"
she said, waving at
a comfortable chair.
Shiv sat on the edge
of the seat and tried
not to fidget too much.
"You asked me to solve
this situation for you, so
I've done my best with that,"
said Elisabeth. She didn't have
her boss voice on, even though
she was doing boss work now, so
maybe Shiv really wasn't in trouble.
"Thanks," said Shiv. "It's been
a mess, but I'm doing better."
"I'm happy to hear that,"
Elisabeth said. "I hope
my offerings will help."
"Yeah, me too," Shiv said.
"So what's up with it?"
"You don't seem to want
much detail, so I'll summarize,"
said Elisabeth. "The parties
responsible have acknowledged
their errors and made amends.
Steps are in progress to ensure
that this doesn't happen again."
Shiv heaved a sigh of relief.
"That's good to hear," he said.
"This includes the attack on
our family," said Elisabeth.
"Other enemies may emerge,
but that one is clearly kaput."
"It was worth it to keep Edison
safe," Shiv said quietly. "I'm ...
still a bit jumbled over some stuff,
but I'm real sure about that part."
"Thank you," said Elisabeth. "I know
words are nothing compared to what
you've done for us, but I appreciate it."
"That's my job," Shiv said. "Yeah,
Tolli and Simon told me that's not
why you keep me around, but it's
what I'm good at and I'm glad
it was me they tried to jump."
"Understood," said Elisabeth.
"I'm sorry that your worldview
got shaken up all over again."
"I'll get over it," Shiv said. "I've
got people to help me untangle
what I'm thinking, now. It helps."
"That's good," said Elisabeth.
"Since you don't care much
for talking through apologies,
I requested something that
would give you peace of mind,
making up for the energy you've
expended dealing with this issue."
She slid her hand across the desk.
"This is what we came up with.
I hope it meets your approval."
The object was small and
flat, made of black leather.
"A wallet?" Shiv said,
leaning forward. He
wondered what it held.
Sometimes people gave
junk, but other times you
got damn good gift cards.
One time Shiv had gotten
a card for Calorie Max, and
another time a leather shop.
"The wallet is not the apology,
just the package," Elisabeth said.
"Open it and see what's inside."
Shiv flipped the wallet open,
its black leather buttery smooth
under his fingers. Metallic text read,
Hermès Paris Made in France.
Apparently everyone wanted
to emphasize that they weren't
buying Chinese shit anymore.
It was a trifold wallet with
just three spaces, all full.
"Three cards?" Shiv said,
tilting his head. "Why?"
"Three cards for three lives,"
Elisabeth said. "They honestly
had nothing to do with the death
of the first kidnapper. That was
plain old medical negligence,
for which the former dispatcher
has been fired and banned from
working in emergency services."
"Good riddance," Shiv muttered.
"I quite agree," said Elisabeth.
"Plenty of strange and scary things
happen, and they aren't helped by
dubious emergency dispatchers."
"I kept wondering if I'd done it
wrong," Shiv admitted. "Simon
thinks it might've been my accent."
"That's possible, but accent shouldn't
affect services," Elisabeth said firmly.
"So, would you like to hear about what
the cards can do now? Each one
uses energy in a different way."
"Do?" Shiv said, puzzled.
"They're not gift cards?"
"Oh no," Elisabeth said.
"Those are super-gizmos."
Shiv squeaked on the inhale.
"People were very apologetic,"
Elisabeth said. "Especially after
I worked my way up the chain
of command to the Boss."
"So ... what do these things
do then?" Shiv wondered.
He was kind of afraid
to touch them now.
"The red one is a stove,"
Elisabeth said. "Touching it
will key it to you, that's why
it's in a wallet. Instructions
are printed on the card."
"Instructions in Italian
ain't gonna help -- oh."
As the card came free,
Shiv realized it was
covered in illustrations.
"Hey, I can read this!"
"Good," said Elisabeth.
"Basically, if you put it in
a box, you have an oven;
if you put it under a grill or
a griddle, it makes a rangetop."
"That is so awesome," Shiv said.
"Especially since I can cook now."
His fingertip hovered over
the activation sequence, but
he'd wait to try it out until later.
"The blue one is a refrigerator,"
said Elisabeth. "It will work if you
clip it to an open shelf, but it gets
colder inside an insulated box."
"So I could take any cooler and
turn it into a minifridge," Shiv said,
catching on instantly. "Wow."
"The yellow one is a disposal,"
said Elisabeth. "It serves as either
a garbage can or a toilet. It's meant
to reduce organics to dust, but it can
handle small bits of inorganic matter
too. Ideally, put it in a container
of metal, glass, or plastic."
"So like a camper can,"
Shiv said. He had seen
cheap plastic go-buckets in
stores, but some outhouses
on the Omaha reservation
had really nice wooden seats.
"Exactly," said Elisabeth. She
tapped the desktop, not touching
his little stash of cards. "With these
in hand, you could go anywhere
and be relatively comfortable.
I hope this helps you relax."
Shiv thought about it.
Having this kind of gear
in case he needed to bolt
was a real luxury. So yeah,
that took a load off his mind.
It also showed him, yet again,
that the Finns knew him well --
sometimes, better than he knew
himself -- and cared about him.
The squidgy feeling still wasn't
showing up to bother him, either.
Apparently he was getting used
to the idea of okay family ties.
"Yeah, it helps," Shiv said,
then quirked a smile. "Thanks,
Boss Finn. You settled it good."
She smiled back at him. "You're
welcome. I'm happy to help."
"Does Leo have to say
he's sorry?" Shiv asked.
"No, forced apologies don't
repair relationships," she said.
"However, Leo is indeed
very sorry for his part and
would like to apologize."
"Do I gotta listen?" Shiv said,
scrunching in his chair. "I hate
having to say I forgive people
when I don't, and mostly I don't."
Elisabeth picked up something
in her hand. "Forgiveness is
created by the restitution of
the wrongdoer," she said. "It is
not something to be squeeeezed
out of the victim in a further act
of conscience-corrupting abuse."
As she spoke, she clenched
her fingers around the stress toy,
making its colorful insides pop out
through the mesh in bubbles.
Shiv giggled. "That is so icky,
and yet so cool," he said.
One thing about the Finns:
they had marvelous toys.
"I'm glad you like it," she said,
putting the stress toy away.
"So you see, forgiveness isn't
an obligation. It is a gift that we
give ourselves, and each other.
You don't have to do it if you don't
want to. It depends on how you feel
about the relationship. Is it fixed?"
"I dunno ..." Shiv mulled it over.
"I guess so. If I saw Leo now, I
wouldn't throw a knife at him.
But I don't wanna talk about it,
or write about it, that sucks too."
"You don't have to do either,"
Elisabeth assured him. "May I tell
Leo that you're doing better, though?
He's upset over hurting people."
Shiv shrugged. "You're the boss.
Makes no nevermind to me."
"That's not consent, Shiv,"
said Elisabeth. "I need
a yes or a no, please."
Shiv hesitated. He'd liked
Leo just fine, the few times
they'd met at parties, and
the Italians were allies of
Boss White as well.
What happened had
sucked, but Shiv also
knew what it was like
to get caught between
different rules and blamed
for someone else's choices.
Besides, the Italians had
ponied up a great apology --
which he shouldn't take if he
wasn't really smooth with it --
and Shiv felt better now.
"Yeah, okay," said Shiv.
"You can tell Leo we're
square, I just don't want
him chasing after me."
"I will make sure to cover
both those points when
I speak to him about this,"
Elisabeth promised.
Shiv was surprised
to realize how settled
it all felt, all his energy
stroked smooth, like nothing
had been left hanging and
everything was okay now.
Boss Finn, he decided,
was damn good at this
even if she hadn't actually
learned it on the streets.
Shiv scooped his loot
back into the wallet and
tucked it into his pocket.
"We're smooth," he said,
holding out his hand.
They shook on it.
* * *
Notes:
"Forgiveness is created by the restitution of the abuser; of the wrongdoer. It is not something to be squeeeeeezed out of the victim in a further act of conscience-corrupting abuse."
-- Stefan Molyneux
Fear of authority is a common problem, which can come from various causes including internal anxiety or external abuse. You can see how irrational it is, because Shiv reacts to it even though Boss Finn is on his side; but it has its roots in very real threats he experienced growing up when basically every authority figure he met was out to get him. There are ways to cope with fear of authority. Here is a toolkit for addressing multi-abuse trauma for helpers who may be viewed as authorities.
Apologies need several parts to be effective. Things will inevitably go wrong between people, and you need to understand how to repair your relationships. Here is an example from the kink community. Follow the steps to earn back broken trust. To avoid a negative impact on business relationships, explain the situation and offer a concrete apology. However, understand that faking either an apology or forgiveness tends to make matters worse instead of better. Some people demand an apology even if obviously insincere, while others don't want to hear it unless it is genuine. In this case, Shiv asked Boss Finn to solve for him, and she selected a concrete apology based on his personality. The amount was set based on the amount of damage done (serious) plus his rank (rising) and value (high) in Clan Finn and the Ebonies & Ivories. Especially in the case of wasted time and/or energy, you can't give back what was lost, but if you save them time and energy in the future, they still come out ahead. This thoughtful apology will contribute to Shiv's peace of mind going forward.
See Shiv's supercard wallet closed, open, and showing its origin stamp. The wallet alone cost $590, because supercards deserve a sturdy and elegant case.
Camp toilets come in a variety of types, of which Shiv knows the cheap bucket kind. You can also make your own. An outhouse can be a lot nicer if people bother to build it well.
Forgiveness is distinct from related topics and can be challenging to understand. It has plenty of benefits. However, urging forgiveness is not always appropriate, and forcing children to say, "I forgive you" is downright destructive. Shiv rarely feels forgiving because his experiences with it have been so negative. This is a problem when he needs to forgive himself or someone else who is genuinely remorseful. He does, however, understand that accepting the "concrete" part without also accepting the "apology" part is a gauche thing to do. There are ways to forgive even the unforgivable; understand how to forgive your enemies. However, to reach peace you also need to forgive yourself, so follow the steps for that too.
Mesh stress balls are gross but interesting.
fuzzyred, technoshaman, and ng_moonmoth. This poem belongs to the China's Mistake, Shiv, and Finn Family threads of the Polychrome Heroics series. It follows "Worth Defending," "Comfort on Difficult Days," "Beyond Any Other Emotional Pain," "Their Need for Our Disciplinary Assistance," and "To Endure Pain with Patience," so read those first or this won't make any sense. To get the complete coverage of Boss Finn stomping her way up the ladder, read the stories "Boss Talk" (with Rinaldo), "Lateral Discussion" (with Gigio), "Captain's Prerogative" (with Pinocchio), and "Meeting of Minds" (with Il Dottore). "Created by the Restitution"
[Saturday, February 6, 2016 in Mercedes, California]
Shiv slunk into the office,
feeling like he was in trouble,
even though Elisabeth had
insisted that he wasn't.
"Please sit down,"
she said, waving at
a comfortable chair.
Shiv sat on the edge
of the seat and tried
not to fidget too much.
"You asked me to solve
this situation for you, so
I've done my best with that,"
said Elisabeth. She didn't have
her boss voice on, even though
she was doing boss work now, so
maybe Shiv really wasn't in trouble.
"Thanks," said Shiv. "It's been
a mess, but I'm doing better."
"I'm happy to hear that,"
Elisabeth said. "I hope
my offerings will help."
"Yeah, me too," Shiv said.
"So what's up with it?"
"You don't seem to want
much detail, so I'll summarize,"
said Elisabeth. "The parties
responsible have acknowledged
their errors and made amends.
Steps are in progress to ensure
that this doesn't happen again."
Shiv heaved a sigh of relief.
"That's good to hear," he said.
"This includes the attack on
our family," said Elisabeth.
"Other enemies may emerge,
but that one is clearly kaput."
"It was worth it to keep Edison
safe," Shiv said quietly. "I'm ...
still a bit jumbled over some stuff,
but I'm real sure about that part."
"Thank you," said Elisabeth. "I know
words are nothing compared to what
you've done for us, but I appreciate it."
"That's my job," Shiv said. "Yeah,
Tolli and Simon told me that's not
why you keep me around, but it's
what I'm good at and I'm glad
it was me they tried to jump."
"Understood," said Elisabeth.
"I'm sorry that your worldview
got shaken up all over again."
"I'll get over it," Shiv said. "I've
got people to help me untangle
what I'm thinking, now. It helps."
"That's good," said Elisabeth.
"Since you don't care much
for talking through apologies,
I requested something that
would give you peace of mind,
making up for the energy you've
expended dealing with this issue."
She slid her hand across the desk.
"This is what we came up with.
I hope it meets your approval."
The object was small and
flat, made of black leather.
"A wallet?" Shiv said,
leaning forward. He
wondered what it held.
Sometimes people gave
junk, but other times you
got damn good gift cards.
One time Shiv had gotten
a card for Calorie Max, and
another time a leather shop.
"The wallet is not the apology,
just the package," Elisabeth said.
"Open it and see what's inside."
Shiv flipped the wallet open,
its black leather buttery smooth
under his fingers. Metallic text read,
Hermès Paris Made in France.
Apparently everyone wanted
to emphasize that they weren't
buying Chinese shit anymore.
It was a trifold wallet with
just three spaces, all full.
"Three cards?" Shiv said,
tilting his head. "Why?"
"Three cards for three lives,"
Elisabeth said. "They honestly
had nothing to do with the death
of the first kidnapper. That was
plain old medical negligence,
for which the former dispatcher
has been fired and banned from
working in emergency services."
"Good riddance," Shiv muttered.
"I quite agree," said Elisabeth.
"Plenty of strange and scary things
happen, and they aren't helped by
dubious emergency dispatchers."
"I kept wondering if I'd done it
wrong," Shiv admitted. "Simon
thinks it might've been my accent."
"That's possible, but accent shouldn't
affect services," Elisabeth said firmly.
"So, would you like to hear about what
the cards can do now? Each one
uses energy in a different way."
"Do?" Shiv said, puzzled.
"They're not gift cards?"
"Oh no," Elisabeth said.
"Those are super-gizmos."
Shiv squeaked on the inhale.
"People were very apologetic,"
Elisabeth said. "Especially after
I worked my way up the chain
of command to the Boss."
"So ... what do these things
do then?" Shiv wondered.
He was kind of afraid
to touch them now.
"The red one is a stove,"
Elisabeth said. "Touching it
will key it to you, that's why
it's in a wallet. Instructions
are printed on the card."
"Instructions in Italian
ain't gonna help -- oh."
As the card came free,
Shiv realized it was
covered in illustrations.
"Hey, I can read this!"
"Good," said Elisabeth.
"Basically, if you put it in
a box, you have an oven;
if you put it under a grill or
a griddle, it makes a rangetop."
"That is so awesome," Shiv said.
"Especially since I can cook now."
His fingertip hovered over
the activation sequence, but
he'd wait to try it out until later.
"The blue one is a refrigerator,"
said Elisabeth. "It will work if you
clip it to an open shelf, but it gets
colder inside an insulated box."
"So I could take any cooler and
turn it into a minifridge," Shiv said,
catching on instantly. "Wow."
"The yellow one is a disposal,"
said Elisabeth. "It serves as either
a garbage can or a toilet. It's meant
to reduce organics to dust, but it can
handle small bits of inorganic matter
too. Ideally, put it in a container
of metal, glass, or plastic."
"So like a camper can,"
Shiv said. He had seen
cheap plastic go-buckets in
stores, but some outhouses
on the Omaha reservation
had really nice wooden seats.
"Exactly," said Elisabeth. She
tapped the desktop, not touching
his little stash of cards. "With these
in hand, you could go anywhere
and be relatively comfortable.
I hope this helps you relax."
Shiv thought about it.
Having this kind of gear
in case he needed to bolt
was a real luxury. So yeah,
that took a load off his mind.
It also showed him, yet again,
that the Finns knew him well --
sometimes, better than he knew
himself -- and cared about him.
The squidgy feeling still wasn't
showing up to bother him, either.
Apparently he was getting used
to the idea of okay family ties.
"Yeah, it helps," Shiv said,
then quirked a smile. "Thanks,
Boss Finn. You settled it good."
She smiled back at him. "You're
welcome. I'm happy to help."
"Does Leo have to say
he's sorry?" Shiv asked.
"No, forced apologies don't
repair relationships," she said.
"However, Leo is indeed
very sorry for his part and
would like to apologize."
"Do I gotta listen?" Shiv said,
scrunching in his chair. "I hate
having to say I forgive people
when I don't, and mostly I don't."
Elisabeth picked up something
in her hand. "Forgiveness is
created by the restitution of
the wrongdoer," she said. "It is
not something to be squeeeezed
out of the victim in a further act
of conscience-corrupting abuse."
As she spoke, she clenched
her fingers around the stress toy,
making its colorful insides pop out
through the mesh in bubbles.
Shiv giggled. "That is so icky,
and yet so cool," he said.
One thing about the Finns:
they had marvelous toys.
"I'm glad you like it," she said,
putting the stress toy away.
"So you see, forgiveness isn't
an obligation. It is a gift that we
give ourselves, and each other.
You don't have to do it if you don't
want to. It depends on how you feel
about the relationship. Is it fixed?"
"I dunno ..." Shiv mulled it over.
"I guess so. If I saw Leo now, I
wouldn't throw a knife at him.
But I don't wanna talk about it,
or write about it, that sucks too."
"You don't have to do either,"
Elisabeth assured him. "May I tell
Leo that you're doing better, though?
He's upset over hurting people."
Shiv shrugged. "You're the boss.
Makes no nevermind to me."
"That's not consent, Shiv,"
said Elisabeth. "I need
a yes or a no, please."
Shiv hesitated. He'd liked
Leo just fine, the few times
they'd met at parties, and
the Italians were allies of
Boss White as well.
What happened had
sucked, but Shiv also
knew what it was like
to get caught between
different rules and blamed
for someone else's choices.
Besides, the Italians had
ponied up a great apology --
which he shouldn't take if he
wasn't really smooth with it --
and Shiv felt better now.
"Yeah, okay," said Shiv.
"You can tell Leo we're
square, I just don't want
him chasing after me."
"I will make sure to cover
both those points when
I speak to him about this,"
Elisabeth promised.
Shiv was surprised
to realize how settled
it all felt, all his energy
stroked smooth, like nothing
had been left hanging and
everything was okay now.
Boss Finn, he decided,
was damn good at this
even if she hadn't actually
learned it on the streets.
Shiv scooped his loot
back into the wallet and
tucked it into his pocket.
"We're smooth," he said,
holding out his hand.
They shook on it.
* * *
Notes:
"Forgiveness is created by the restitution of the abuser; of the wrongdoer. It is not something to be squeeeeeezed out of the victim in a further act of conscience-corrupting abuse."
-- Stefan Molyneux
Fear of authority is a common problem, which can come from various causes including internal anxiety or external abuse. You can see how irrational it is, because Shiv reacts to it even though Boss Finn is on his side; but it has its roots in very real threats he experienced growing up when basically every authority figure he met was out to get him. There are ways to cope with fear of authority. Here is a toolkit for addressing multi-abuse trauma for helpers who may be viewed as authorities.
Apologies need several parts to be effective. Things will inevitably go wrong between people, and you need to understand how to repair your relationships. Here is an example from the kink community. Follow the steps to earn back broken trust. To avoid a negative impact on business relationships, explain the situation and offer a concrete apology. However, understand that faking either an apology or forgiveness tends to make matters worse instead of better. Some people demand an apology even if obviously insincere, while others don't want to hear it unless it is genuine. In this case, Shiv asked Boss Finn to solve for him, and she selected a concrete apology based on his personality. The amount was set based on the amount of damage done (serious) plus his rank (rising) and value (high) in Clan Finn and the Ebonies & Ivories. Especially in the case of wasted time and/or energy, you can't give back what was lost, but if you save them time and energy in the future, they still come out ahead. This thoughtful apology will contribute to Shiv's peace of mind going forward.
See Shiv's supercard wallet closed, open, and showing its origin stamp. The wallet alone cost $590, because supercards deserve a sturdy and elegant case.
Camp toilets come in a variety of types, of which Shiv knows the cheap bucket kind. You can also make your own. An outhouse can be a lot nicer if people bother to build it well.
Forgiveness is distinct from related topics and can be challenging to understand. It has plenty of benefits. However, urging forgiveness is not always appropriate, and forcing children to say, "I forgive you" is downright destructive. Shiv rarely feels forgiving because his experiences with it have been so negative. This is a problem when he needs to forgive himself or someone else who is genuinely remorseful. He does, however, understand that accepting the "concrete" part without also accepting the "apology" part is a gauche thing to do. There are ways to forgive even the unforgivable; understand how to forgive your enemies. However, to reach peace you also need to forgive yourself, so follow the steps for that too.
Mesh stress balls are gross but interesting.