"You survived the abuse. You're going to survive the recovery."
-- Quotes on Abuse
The window of tolerance describes the range of awareness in which people can be rational and work on problems. Outside that, they are unable to do so, no matter how much that enrages other people. This relates to regulation and dysregulation. Know how to stay in the window of tolerance and work with it. Here are some more ways to deal with stress and trauma.
Emotional regulation and self-regulation are skills that most people learn growing up. That way your emotions don't control you. Good parents teach their children how to do these things. If not, therapists can teach their clients, or you can learn on your own.
Calm is one of the important skills to learn. Here are some ways to calm down.
A description of Shiv's travel herbal tea kit appears in "Chamomile and Care."
Herbal tea includes many healing herbs, such as those in Shiv's big cabinet of cope. You can make a first aid kit with healing herbs for tea. Include adaptogens for general support. Here are some of the best choices for an herbal tea garden.
Catnip -- calming, relieves headache, reduces nicotine cravings, mildly psychoactive
Chamomile -- calming, soothes digestion
Elderberry -- adaptogen, vitamin C, boosts immunity, soothes throat
Ginger -- warming, invigorating, reduces inflammation, boosts immunity, soothes digestion
Hibiscus -- sour, calming, balances temperature and fluids
Hops -- sour, nervine, sedative, muscle relaxant, soothes digestion, reduces inflammation, relieves pain
Lavender -- cooling, relieves headache, calming, lowers libido, muscle relaxant
Lemon balm -- nervine, calming
Lemongrass -- relieves pain, soothes digestion
Licorice root -- adaptogen, calming, soothes digestion, aids breathing
Passionflower -- sedative, lowers blood pressure, enhances other herbs
Peppermint -- cooling, calming, soothes digestion
Raspberry leaf -- relieves cramps, muscle relaxant
Rosehips -- vitamin C, relieves pain, reduces inflammation, boosts immunity, detoxifies
Rose petals -- vitamin C, calming, diuretic, boosts immunity, soothes digestion, soothes throat
Yarrow -- reduces fever, soothes digestion, relieves cramps, decongestant
3G (ginger, ginseng, ginkgo) -- invigorating, uplifting, clears mind
The Blues -- uplifting
Forests -- adaptogens, spicy, warming, grounding
Morning Thunder -- invigorating
Motherwort & Sage -- cooling, soothing
Sleep Multi-Use Blend (hops, lavender, chamomile, passionflower, mullein) -- sedative
Tension Tamer -- soothing
Winter Spice -- adaptogens, warming, grounding
Chinese (from Luci)
Chrysanthemum -- cooling, uplifting
Eight Treasures (jujube date, gui yuan, goji berries, ginseng, hawthorn fruit, tangerine peel, chrysanthemum flower, young bamboo leaves) -- nutritious, invigorating, and balancing
Honeysuckle -- sweet, cooling, detoxifying, reduces inflammation
Orange peel -- bitter, warming, drying, uplifting, antihistamine, soothes digestion, regulates qi
Triple Leaf Decaf Green Tea with Ginseng & Chinese Herbs -- adaptogens
French (from Pain's Gray)
Casablanca (China green tea, Moroccan mint, oil of bergamot) -- cooling, refreshing
Earl Grey French Blue (Sri Lanka black tea, blue cornflowers, oil of bergamot) -- uplifting
Mètis (South African rooibos, dried black currants, lavender buds, rose hips, vanilla flavoring) -- calming, detoxifying, relieves headaches, soothes digestion, boosts immunity, reduces inflammation
Mirabeau (Sri Lanka black tea, licorice root, anise, hibiscus, orchid, rose and mallow flowers) -- uplifting, balancing
This is Shiv's cat tea ball.
See Shiv's Cup of Calm coffee mug and Calm Cat coffee mug.
Author Bruce Rodgers defines the term as "1. any boy under the age of consent, heterosexual, fair of face, and unfamiliar with homosexuality ("So many chickens were flapping around that I thought we were touring Colonel Sanders' plantation”) 2. juvenile, youthful, young-looking.
Victim selection targets a number of specific traits. (Despite this established fact, plenty of troublemakers have extremely poor victim selection skills.) This feeds into the tendency for revictimization. Various factors contribute to why people get attacked again. It is important to recognize these risks and work to avoid future assaults.
See Shiv's Run Like You Stole Something T-shirt and Oh for Fox Sake T-shirt.
The Brow of Grief is a horseshoe-shaped wrinkle between the eyebrows, which indicates physical or emotional pain.
Exposure therapy can have dangerous side effects, because it acts as rumination. Because therapy can make stress disorders worse, some people find that not talking about trauma is better for them. Know yourself, and if you choose to work on your issues, take a baseline before starting so you can tell if a given method is helping, doing nothing, or making matters worse.
Anchoring is a technique for summoning positive memories to quash negative memories or emotions.
Counterconditioning breaks negative associations and replaces them with positive associations. It is much less miserable than grinding away triggers by brute force as in exposure therapy, and thus safer and more effective.