My Response to the Racism Ruckus

I've always compared and contrasted different forms of prejudice and oppression. The similarities and differences fascinate (and horrify) me. Sometimes comparing them can lead to useful realizations, things to watch out for, ways to fight them.

The dicey part is comparisons of subjective or objective damage quotient. Sometimes those are useful too, but you have to be really careful not to frame it in way that trivializes anyone's misery. Some of the most useful discourse on cross-genre oppression comes from people who fit multiple categories; for example, black Lesbians can examine how much impact they've had from being black, being female, and being homosexual. In fact, that was a vital part of the history of the civil rights and feminist movements for a while. I've had similar conversations with Pagans who also had some other oppressive feature.

It can lead to some interesting discussions when a brick's been pitched through the window and nobody's sure whether it was aimed at the Pagans, the gays, or the socialists in the house because it was unlabeled.

>>It IS really hard to keep on talking when any and all of your own experiences are dismissed out of hand as minor and insignificant, just because of your skin color.<<

That generally indicates that you are talking with an asshole, and should go find someone decent to discuss the topic. This is very advanced sociodynamic material, and most people will handle it badly. If your background includes multiple layers of experience and/or study, that helps.

But if you never talk about the hard stuff, it never gets solved. Much useful information about dismantling this nonsense comes when you look at the different iterations together ... it's like the way looking at a shark and a dolphin will tell you about what kind of features are ideal for an ocean predator, where the strengths and weaknesses are similar or different.

Very few people meet all of me. There are times when I simply ghost through a crowd, leaving no one aware of what has passed. In congenial circumstances, I'm fairly open about most facets.

I really hear you about not wanting to deal with the hassle.

>>Talking about sex-related stuff at work isn't generally appropriate--yet it's very easy for someone to talk about their fiancee or wedding or even home life as a married person, and not be disruptive to the work environment, because they are not perceived as talking about sex or sexuality. It's different if you're partnered to an obviously transgender woman, even if said person never comes to the office or office parties. <<

This is a core issue of discrimination and prejudice: where two people talking about the exact same thing (home life) is perceived as "normal" and "acceptable" for some but "an issue" and "unacceptable" for others. The sheer unfairness of that can create as much tension as "inappropriate" discussions. This is sometimes addressed in tolerance training that companies provide to their employees (with varying success).

>>I have, very consciously, used talking about growing purple tomatoes and purple green beans in my garden as an initial gauge--if someone is weirded out by purple veggies, then I stick to talking about the weather, and gardening, and how proud I am of my kid. No poetry, no SF & Fantasy, no religion, no unicorns (mythical or metaphorical) and certainly nothing both weird and real.<<

That is an excellent safe method of testing a person's tolerance of the unusual. Most people are either attracted to novelty and difference, or repelled by them. (This is a remnant survival trait: trying new things is risky, and could be very good or very bad. Sticking with known things is usually safe and effective; but if circumstances change and you can't adapt, you're doomed. Since the world goes through stable and wildly changing times, both tendencies get passed on genetically. They are subsequently influenced by culture and personality.)

>>Heck, even telling a bank teller "I'm not married" can make that person quite uncomfortable, no matter if you smile and speak lightly.<<

Some people freak out if you step a hair's width off their script.

>>But being invisible is sometimes way too close to not being there at all. <<

Yes, and that can rupture dangerously, inward or outward.

>>Being very visible is different--different positives and different negatives. <<

Also true, which is why people need to make their own decision about which way to go. It's a key reason why "outing" people is wrong.