Here's a really good description of what depression feels like and how it kills people.


I see lots of folks talking about depression and suicide and the need to stop people from ... escaping, basically. Stop them from saying, "No, I don't want this life anymore, I'm tired of being in pain all the time and nobody has been able to fix it." What I do not see is very much examination of why people's life hurts all the time or how to make it better. How to make a society that provides security so people don't feel depressed and anxious and want to escape the trap by chewing off their entire body. How to add resources, instead of demanding the victim do more with less.

This is where that snow analogy really helps. You know a depressed person? Ask if you can shovel some of their snow. They might say yes or no; that's okay, they have agency. Keep offering. Forever. Because one of the things that makes any chronic illness more survivable is lowering the workload. You can't do their internal stuff, but you absolutely can take the weight off the external stuff. Cook for them. Wash the car. Water the plants. Feed the cat. Do their laundry. Anything they will let you do is a spoon that they don't have to spend doing that thing. Also, if you're all up in their life -- if they find that acceptable -- then at least they have a logical counter to the feelings that say nobody cares. For some people, that helps. Conversely, you will know that you did what you could and showed them that you love them, which undermines the tendency toward self-blame if things go badly.

Everything Is Awful and I'm Not Okay

How to Get Out of Bed When You're Depressed

36 Ways to Deal with Depression

50 Ways to Cheer Someone Up

10 Ways to Show Love to Someone With Depression

My go-to smile video is the meeping otters.

When all else fails ... nest.

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