10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I would have liked an education that helped me learn more instead of dragging me down.
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- Elizabeth Barrette (
ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
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Emotional Intimacy Question: Changing Childhood
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
I would have liked an education that helped me learn more instead of dragging me down.
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Defending Insanity
April 26 2018, 18:29:47 UTC 3 years ago
My first impulse was to respond "Have my mom quit smoking a year before I was born, instead of four years after," but I don't think that fits the concept of "raised" you're trying to invoke, here.
The second idea I come up with is somewhat harder to explain. My Dad was and is a very just man; as a child, if I could explain to him why either his logic or his facts were wrong in a decision he was making about my conduct, he would change his mind and do it as I suggested. (IIRC, this only happened about 4 or 5 times over the course of my childhood, but was still extremely significant.)
The exception was in challenging my mother when he wasn't there. He told me explicitly that he would always back her decisions, even if he knew them to be wrong. And Mom was, frankly, a nutcase.
Dealing with Mom's erratic decisions was profoundly annoying, but understandable in light of her instability. Dealing with Dad defending her was a real strain.
best,
Joel
Re: Defending Insanity
April 26 2018, 18:57:23 UTC 3 years ago
I think it counts, because smoking contributes to poor physical and mental health outcomes.
>> The second idea I come up with is somewhat harder to explain. My Dad was and is a very just man; as a child, if I could explain to him why either his logic or his facts were wrong in a decision he was making about my conduct, he would change his mind and do it as I suggested. (IIRC, this only happened about 4 or 5 times over the course of my childhood, but was still extremely significant.) <<
Fascinating.
>> The exception was in challenging my mother when he wasn't there. He told me explicitly that he would always back her decisions, even if he knew them to be wrong. And Mom was, frankly, a nutcase. <<
*sigh* That's a perfect example of a good rule applied in a bad way. Parents are taught to back each other's decisions so as to avoid the child playing them against each other. Normally this is a good thing. But when one person's logic, parenting skill, or other faculties drastically exceed the other -- then it can negate the advantage of having those better skills, if the more-skilled person defers to the lesser. Usually the lesser won't give ground because they won't admit they have a problem.
There are certain areas of my life that I've delegated to someone better at them, like how all the important math goes to my partner. I don't need to understand it; I'm not going to understand it past a certain level; but that's okay, because he does. It gets done right, and that's what matters most.
I think society would be a lot saner if we paid attention to what people do poorly. At some point, you really need to ask, "Do you want to keep grinding away at this and maybe make a little more progress, or do you want to start looking at alternatives because you're not getting much practical use out of this skillset?" Using adaptive equipment, quitting things you're terrible at, delegating, those all need to be options on the table. Because if you're not, then you wind up with people doing things they really suck at, which harms everyone.
April 27 2018, 05:07:32 UTC 3 years ago
:^}