Technology and the Brain

Would it be better for them if they changed their minds -- changed their personalities -- in order to better fit in with those geographically close to them? This is a real question; it seems to me to be the necessary next step if using the Internet in this manner is not good for people.

I fear that the advent of being able to constantly connect to people who do think similarly to ourselves has left us with a far lower tolerance of those who think differently. We risk losing the skills to build bridges with people. Our real physical neighbors are far more likely to be the ones able to keep an eye on our houses while we're away or give us a literal hand when we need it.

You may be overestimating how good people's tolerance for those who think differently has EVER been.

I grew up in an area with a very New England attitude. I'd say that most of our neighbors were Christian, some of them fundamentalist. My parents didn't go to Church, though I went to Catholic school. One of our neighbors was a fairly openly gay man.

We pretty much had a live & let live attitude. As a kid, I got locked out of the house in winter once & knew I could walk down the road to one of the neighbors we knew who would let us hang out there until our parents got home. People were always nice and polite -- even if they weren't close.

I'm not saying that you have to be absolute best friends with people who are your neighbors or that you have to change who you are. Maybe you avoid hot button issues in conversation. Maybe you're willing to say, "Mr. Smith may be regrettably intolerant in ___ way, but, he's always available to help anyone out regardless of what he may think in private."

Sequestering yourself from people who don't think like you can mean you miss the areas where they *do*.

This is a fascinating point. In fact it's a fascinating topic of discussion.

Many of th ecomments I've read refer to social life, or even romantic partnering. For me, a large part of my own *spiritual* journey absolutely requires face to face interaction with other human beings. the underlying premise of one of the schools of spirituality I follow is that the Divine speaks to us through other human beings, and especially through community and face to face personal interaction.

That is not everyone's spiritual path, and it's not for everyone -- some people, spiritually, are hermits, for example -- but I just wanted to toss in there the idea that spiritual development into the fullness of our humanity might require, need, or just plain old be facilitated by gettng along with others in a face to face milieu.

Then again maybe I am just old and traditional. Someday the kids might be calling me the crazy lady who still lives in the world where people talk to each other face to face, and that I should get with the program. After all, I am still appalled that people would wear black to a wedding, and I get told all the time that I am too old fashioned.

But none of that has changed. That's exactly what it's like where I live, here in New England (north of Boston). It was like that when I was growing up, in Arlington, outside of Boston, and it's still like that here in Melrose, also outside of Boston.

[Edited for missing words.]

Our real physical neighbors are far more likely to be the ones able to keep an eye on our houses while we're away or give us a literal hand when we need it.

Having just participated in two successful fund drives for people who needed help, and knowing people whose neighbors hate them for being, say, same-sex, interracial, or even intellectual couples, I'm not entirely convinced that my physical neighbors are more likely to be helpful than my online friends.

I fear that the advent of being able to constantly connect to people who do think similarly to ourselves has left us with a far lower tolerance of those who think differently.

I'm not convinced of this, either. I don't believe there was some time when people got along more harmoniously than now; my hypothesis is that there were more people who stayed silent, feeling themselves alone, who may speak up now because faster and easier communications (including the Internet) have helped them find those of like mind.

My perspective on this is shaped by having grown up in a fundamentalist church located within a large city. I could see that beyond the narrow confines of my home community that there was a wider and more diverse world out there; I could see within my home community how many of the people I knew were impelled by religion to despise people they interacted with every working day. And yet, as a fan of fantasy and science fiction, who hid such books under her bed because I was taught they were 'occult' literature, I felt terribly isolated. When one of my books led me to a fanclub for its author, the revelation that there were others who shared my interest, who thought the way I do, was beyond wonderful to me.

Being in interest-based communities online is that same experience, writ larger and moving at a much faster speed. My experience of this is merely based around hobbies; I've talked to people who had the same experience of finding the like-minded, of finding themselves not alone, when they had been the only agnostic surrounded by the devout, the seemingly only LGBT person in a community where the expectation was heterosexual and heteronormative. I've talked to people who felt their lives transformed by finding out they weren't the only one, and it seems to me that it wouldn't serve the causes of harmony or justice for people to be denied these places to belong.

If being able to "connect to people who do think similarly to ourselves" does lead to an inability to deal with those who think differently (as opposed to sharing strategies and experiences with the like-minded for dealing with disagreement -- but I digress) then the cure is rejecting that connection. I think that being deprived of fellows to share these interests with wouldn't force people to jettison them in favor of fitting in better with those physically around them, let alone forcing them to make alliances they otherwise would not have made with their neighbors; it might force them to suppress those interests, but I don't think that would actually increase people's happiness. In fact, I think it would make them on average sadder and lonelier.

I don't mean necessarily more helpful. There are situations where proximity makes a difference. As I responded above, if a kid is locked out of their house, my internet friends can't offer them a place to stay until their parents get home. My friends online may help me raise money if my house has been robbed -- my neighbors might spot the thieves trying to break in & call the police.

I'm not saying by any stretch that we should NOT have these broad social relationships online, just that we shouldn't neglect trying to build at least tolerant and helpful ones with those who are physically near to us.

I think you are correct in this. It's a narrow outgrowth of us losing our tolerance for people in general, because they don't come in discrete bits we can ignore, pause or play as we have the time or attention span for.

The Internet lets us take in people and the world at our pace. But the world and other people aren't there for our entertainment. The more we live in this box, the less capable we are of dealing with things we can't control: including all the messy, annoying habits of our neighbors.

Once again I find myself nodding my head and thinking "Boy is that right."

The thing about the internet is...well I have had friendships end specifically because the other person only wanted to deal with me and us and our issues via email or online. They did not want to talk to me in person. they did not want to deal with my very real emotions -- for instance, that I might (justifiably) be hurt or angry with them. They wanted to say their piece and not have to deal with my response. In my opinion, that is a cowardly way to deal with other people.

And here on livejournal -- how many people have been hurt because someone unfriended them, and perhaps banned them, and never told them why? One minute you're "friends" and the next you are cast off. I mean this in a very different way that simply removing people you don't know well. Someone ticks you off and with a few mouse clicks you don;t have to deal with them any more, and you don;t have to explain yourself.

I am reminded of the scene in Sex and the City where Burger breaks up with Carrie by leaving a POST IT note on her laptop, and disappears. He's pretty much being a bastard. Yet on the internet that sort of thing not only happens all the time, but is now becoming the norm for social interactions.

Our real physical neighbors are far more likely to be the ones able to keep an eye on our houses while we're away or give us a literal hand when we need it.

Of course they are, and that doesn't go away, but my real-world neighbours share precious few interests with me. I talk to mine, I like mine, I am living in the kind of small village settings that people are hankering for. My online friends are not 'instead of' neighbourly contacts, but as well as.

And even without/before the net, many people are just not inclined to be social, cohabiting, friends-visiting, folks - they like their own company just fine. They are friendly with neighbours and maybe a few close friends and family, without ever wanting or needing more.