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The Wordsmith's Forge
The Writing & Other Projects of Elizabeth Barrette
Poetry Fishbowl Report for July 5, 2016
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ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: August 1st, 2016 03:15 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Nonbinary person waves "hi"

>>Heck, it's a big step for me -- one I appear to have understood I was always going to need to take, but one I didn't actually take until the facade shielding my sexuality and gender identity from unwelcome scrutiny got dropped on the floor and broke. It wasn't until then that I realized it actually was a facade, and hurting me in at least as many ways as it had helped me. I'm still struggling out from under the wreckage. Being able to share my feelings with understanding people helps with that -- a lot.<<

I'm glad I could help. \o/

For me, I've always known that I'm weird along many lines. It's interesting to compare that to people who discover it along the way. Halley has always known; so has Victor. But Hyperspaceman and Cal only figured it out much later in life. That matches what I've observed in other queerfolk; identity awareness can come at any time.

>>Yeah. Thinking that far out is intrinsically challenging, and those who haven't, or aren't willing to, face that sort of strenuous intellectual activity are in the same state as the person who goes to the gym for the first time and looks at the stacks of weights the regulars are casually working out with. They pretty quickly come to understand that it's going to be hard work, and it's gonna hurt -- and a lot of them walk right out the door because of that, and never come back.<<

Some of it depends on people's body/mind, and some on where they start. Some bodies are predisposed to athletics, and it feels good to them, even if it's hard. For me it's linguistics; even the lengthy parts don't feel like work. Sometimes I try to explain people's fumbling over gender by imagining, "It's like trying to do hours and hours of math." But I've always had a knack for gender studies, and I think only part of that is being genderqueer myself. Some people are more flexible in general, and can do all manner of mental yoga. I've had people just shrug and go with the flow. Others, not so much. There have been a few people I cared enough about to just try not to spill my weirdness on them, and other cases where a mismatch mangled relationships I treasured.

>> And so much of the pain variant folks face stems from so many people believing this all Matters, rather than just being a trait providing an occasionally useful guide for forecasting behavior. <<

Absolutely. Gender has a lot to do with sexuality, as most people only want a partner of a certain sex/gender, and it influences child bearing and raising in some regards. Beyond that, there are some broad trends that cross most cultures, but no absolutes. Most of the problems are thus human-caused.

>>I got an interesting example of this recently. Approaching a city I occasionally pass through (and used to live near and pass through more frequently), I was struck by how I had switched from perceiving its skyline as the one I was familiar with, with a few new exceptions, to an unfamiliar skyline with some recognizable landmarks.<<

Fascinating. It's familiarity in action, I guess.
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