Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
  • Mood: busy

Family Skills: How to Change the Subject

Some topics don't belong at the supper table or in holiday conversation. Some topics are prone to causing arguments, especially if family members take opposing stances on controversial issues. (The exact topics may vary from one family to another. Learn which ones your family finds troublesome.) Therefore, it helps for everyone to learn how to change the subject gracefully. Here are some resources to get you started:

WikiHow "How to Change the Subject in a Conversation"

eHow: "How to Change the Subject"

Verbal self-defense also offers some ways of changing the subject gracefully and otherwise defusing arguments. Watch for the new edition of Suzette Haden Elgin's book The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, due out in a few months.
Tags: family skills
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  • 9 comments
ayoub

ayoub

November 6 2008, 19:05:50 UTC 12 years ago

That's good to incorporate into characters, too... :D
ysabetwordsmith

Yes!

ysabetwordsmith

November 6 2008, 20:05:17 UTC 12 years ago

To use the "Family Skills" tag for characterization, consider such possibilities as these:

1) Make a character or family socially fluent by assigning them traits and skills described herein.

2) Make a character or family dysfunctional by assigning the opposite of such traits and skills.

3) Pick two cultures. For each skill, make one culture fluent and the other not. For added consistency, use clusters; frex, make one culture good at loving actions and the other good at loving communication. Then bang 'em together and watch the sparks fly!
ayoub

Re: Yes!

ayoub

November 6 2008, 20:07:32 UTC 12 years ago

:D

All good fun to do! :D

(As you may have guessed, I enjoy putting my characters in awkward situations...)
ysabetwordsmith

Re: Yes!

ysabetwordsmith

November 6 2008, 20:19:05 UTC 12 years ago

Make them learn a foreign language! Most adults find that awkward and tormentful. Of course, some of us do it for fun.
ayoub

Re: Yes!

ayoub

November 6 2008, 23:08:30 UTC 12 years ago

I just made a character learn French...

Of course, this now means that I have to brush up on mine!
green_knight

green_knight

November 6 2008, 19:33:34 UTC 12 years ago Edited:  November 6 2008, 19:50:41 UTC

I'm afraid neither article struck me as being very useful in situations where you don't want to annoy the other person, or where you are dealing with a very persistent talker who has no interest in you whatsoever. You might be able to stop a conversation by tapping your fingers and waiting for the other person to catch on, but you're unlikely to have more, and better conversations with that person...

Suzette Haden Elgin - ozarque very kindly collected the links to posts about verbal defense in a livejournal post yesterday - http://ozarque.livejournal.com/556551.html
I' going to work through them eventually; they sound fascinating, so thanks for the link.
ysabetwordsmith

Hmm...

ysabetwordsmith

November 6 2008, 20:08:41 UTC 12 years ago

I couldn't find exactly the kind of resource I went looking for, but I figured those were a decent place to start. People are highly encouraged to add their own topic-changing techniques.

One good option is to memorize people's passions. Most folks have one or two things about which they can talk endlessly -- a baby, a craft, a collection, etc. If the current topic is turning sour, ask a leading question about someone's passion.
green_knight

Re: Hmm...

green_knight

November 6 2008, 21:49:56 UTC 12 years ago

The longer I think about it, the more I think we're dealing with two, maybe three distinctive skills.

There's the cluster of having good, meaningful, satisfying conversations, which includes an awareness of the people who'll talk until someone interrupts them and those who wait for a pause in the conversation to speak up. On their own, each strategy works perfectly fine, mixed company can be catastrophic.

The other cluster deals with verbal agression - how to recognise it, how to notice you are doing it, how to stop or deflect it. Yesterday I was in a position where the person I was talking to found my weaknesses and dug in, and I reacted over-emotional and felt completely unable to deal with it. Changing the topic or walking away were not options, and I had no way of turning it into a productive conversation.

The half - because I don't know whether it's a seperate thing or whether you could even use the same skills for both - is the ability to agree to disagree, walk away from conversations, or change the nature of the conversation (away from a hot topic, turning a controversy into bonding etc).
ysabetwordsmith

Good point!

ysabetwordsmith

November 7 2008, 15:40:36 UTC 12 years ago

Many skills come together for good conversation.