Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette

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Captain America: Civil War

We watched the movie today. This review is in generalities rather than specifics, so not really spoilery, but I'll fold the page just in case.

Okay, one specific detail: the Wakandans spoke a language with click phonemes like what X!hosa has. <3

The jokes: funny. The movie made me laugh a lot. But so did Iron Man 3 and it was on the whole also a failure.

The fight scenes: mostly well choreographed with some lovely bits of situational awareness.

Steve&Bucky action: pretty good.

The plot: there is not enough W in FT for this. >_<

The characterization: there is not enough EFA in the world for this. :/

None of it really hung together well, unless you want to extrapolate that the idiot balls were somehow magnetized.

It's really another iteration of tearing down heroes, in this case hacking apart a team rather than an individual. Somehow, Jump Up Johnny just doesn't seem like enough. Okay, the complaints about collateral damage were valid in that better damage control would definitely be advisable. But exactly what did the complainants think the whackjobs were going to do? Make sure nobody got hurt? Do you have a Plan B for the next time destructive shit rains from the sky and you've alienated the people most able to address that scale of problem? Didn't think so, no.

I am left with the conclusion that if this is how society fantasizes about heroes -- as punching bags -- it's so fucked up, I don't even know where to start sticking a wrench. I think I'd have a better chance of repairing Bucky's arm. "It seems to run on some kind of electricity." 0_o

I was actually more entertained by the trailers before the movie. "The Shallows" left me going "I think they just put their chocolate in my peanut butter." I don't think I've ever seen someone try to use logic and science in an action/thriller movie, instead of maximizing violence, but here's this BAMFette on a rock timing how fast the shark is swimming as part of calculating what seems to be an incredibly strategic plan. Must look this up. My competence kink is crushing pretty hard on this so far.

As for Civil War, I am left torn between wanting to give Rabid City a few brisk smacks for similarly abusing its superheroes, or wanting to borrow Groundhog and Cassandra's favorite park because my eyeballs need a shower now.

Summary: Save your money unless you enjoy torture!pr0n and/or you are writing something about modern society's tendency to destroy heroes.
Tags: entertainment, fantasy, review
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