determinedThe Ambition Condition: Women, Writing, and the Problem of Success
"Exposed" garnered 1,216 comments on the Times' website before the magazine shut them down less than 24 hours after the article went live. The cause? Overwhelming negativity. Whatever the valid faults of Gould and her article, the attacking comments were unmistakably gendered. "Attention whore," was one favorite catcall. "Get over yourself, sweetheart," advised a commenter. Another scoffed, "You are just a stupid little girl" - a comment 67 others recommended. What's more, the comments were full of parental advice offered as if to a 10-year-old and intended to steer the writer away from, well, writing: "Don't you have important things to do?"; "Like your tattoos, I'm fairly sure you'll regret all this by the time you get into your 40s"; and, "You really want to find some meaning? ... Go to the local VA hospital and volunteer to spend a week changing bedpans and rewrapping dressings. Or try teaching English as a second language to a new immigrant ... or read to the blind."
I have encountered some people who tried to discourage me from writing. I told them what to go do with themselves. I have encountered some people who were dismissive of my writing, its quality, its relevance. I told them what to go do with themselves, and then also classified them as unreliable resources who couldn't identify quality material when hit over the head with it. You know, the kind of people who are so oblivious that if it was raining frogs, they'd just pretend it wasn't happening because it was impossible.
I am what I am, what I have always been. I am a writer by innate talent, profession, and vocation. These things have grown over the years, but they were pretty obvious from the beginning and have become unmistakable since. Plenty of people have noticed these features ... my father actually identified me as a poet before I arrived in his life. So if someone can't identify the obvious when it's right in front of them, that makes me doubt their observation skills, or brains, or cultural boundaries, or all of the above. They're in the category of people who think the Earth is flat and dieting makes you thinner. It doesn't make me doubt myself or my work. How could it? I am what I am.
I've never understood the tendency of many people to downplay what they do well. There are many things I don't do well; you'll not hear me brag about being a great driver or a competent mathematician or a reliable road-trip navigator. I have, as a matter of fact, been told not to be a plumber, at considerable length and volume (and for hydrologically valid reason). But the things I do well, and the things I do best -- I have talents there, and I've worked hard to develop them. If I didn't respect them, they might dwindle. If I didn't tell people about them, they might not get used when they're needed. So, this is me. I'm a writer, not a wallflower. I've been at it for about thirty years, I'm good at what I do, and I expect to keep getting better over time because I haven't stopped learning things and never intend to stop. I'm open to constructive criticism, but not to people who just want to shut me up. It ain't gonna happen.
Don't step in front of an avalanche and dismiss it as a flurry. Fools will be plowed over with great indifference.
November 3 2008, 15:26:50 UTC 12 years ago
I've never had anyone try to steer me away from writing, although I've had plenty of 'you're not good enough' comments in other fields.
Mostly, now that I think about it, from older males.
<blinks>
I've had criticism from females, of course - nobody walks through life perfect - but an outright 'you'll never make it'? Only from male commentators, and none of them younger than me. (I'm getting to the age where 'experienced-but-younger' is becoming a distinct possibility. Eeek. How did that happen?)
November 3 2008, 15:48:07 UTC 12 years ago
That wasn't sexism. It was jade-green jealousy. And a valuable lesson in what not to do as a teacher.
November 3 2008, 16:17:36 UTC 12 years ago
I've been twice shortlisted for the Hennessy New Irish Writing Award - yes, you stupid cow, it IS harder than it looks, which is why *I'm* succeeding and you're a dysmenorrhiac with a laptop and too much of an opinion. Cos I'm BETTER than you :D
November 3 2008, 16:19:38 UTC 12 years ago
O_O
November 4 2008, 04:04:17 UTC 12 years ago
>>She went on to add "it's harder than it looks to write properly, you know."<<
And what a straight line! It just begs for something like: "I know. Maybe someday you'll figure it out too."
Re: O_O
November 4 2008, 09:50:16 UTC 12 years ago
Now men aren't angels either, though they are more fans of the Exclusive Boys' Club, whose boundaries are fluid, invisible, flexible and very frustrating. But at least they aren't downright bitchy.
November 4 2008, 04:52:14 UTC 12 years ago
Look at all the novels that get published which I cannot bear to read. Sometimes it's just a matter of taste.
November 4 2008, 09:52:28 UTC 12 years ago
But at this stage in the game I don't take insults from nobodies - I didn't even respond to the post. Sorry to use such a scathing word as "nobody", but as the original post here says, I've had to cultivate a bit of arrogance to keep myself motivated.
November 3 2008, 16:46:54 UTC 12 years ago