"Things that scare you: Sarah Palin."
The Repair Job
McCain kicked the beautiful corpse
with his impeccably polished shoe.
“Can’t you get this stupid thing back in order?”
“I’m working on it, sir,” said the repairman.
“These things take time.”
“There’s another interview scheduled tonight!
She has to be believable by then!” McCain said.
“Sir, you were warned not to overstress the unit,”
the repairman said sternly.
“She’s the Vice Presidential candidate, for Christ’s sake –
what stress? All she has to do is smile and recite speeches!”
Suddenly Sarah Palin sat bolt upright and shouted,
“Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about
the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy–
Oh, it’s got to be about job creation too.
So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending
has got to accompany tax reductions.” 1
“See? See?” McCain said.
“That’s the kind of nonsense I’m talking about!”
“Sir, there’s nothing wrong with this unit,”
said the repairman.
“I suggest you talk with your programmers and check the input.
Also, you might want to recast Nixon’s Elective Allocation;
remember, it only lasts for two weeks per casting. Have a nice day.”
As the repairman drove off,
McCain read the sign on the side of the white van:
Zombie Soccer Moms from Hell:
We may charge an arm and a leg,
But it’s worth it!
“I’ve been screwed,” said McCain.
Behind him, buttons flew as the zombie ripped off its clothes.
* * *
1. Palin: ‘What The Bailout Does Is Help Those Who Are Concerned About Health Care Reform’ by Ryan Powers, Think Progress, Sept. 25, 2008.