Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
  • Mood: busy

Poem: "Motherless"

This poem was inspired by prompts from flutterbychild and dulcinbradbury. It has been sponsored by janetmiles.


Motherless


Monsters are motherless children.
Oh, they have fathers, right enough –-
The Wolfman and Dracula with their penetrating teeth,
Dr. Frankenstein with his shining implements of science –-
But there are no mothers in these old stories.
No warm milk. No lullabies. No night-light.
No one’s hand to hold when it hurts.
No one to come with a flannel blanket
When the nightmares wake,
Because these nightmares are for real.
No memories -– none at all –- of being loved.
Is it any wonder, then, that we call them monsters,
When they do not share the common ground
That makes us human?
Tags: cyberfunded creativity, fishbowl, poem, poetry
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  • 10 comments
jolantru

jolantru

October 15 2008, 02:20:46 UTC 12 years ago

This is oddly beautiful.
ysabetwordsmith

Thank you!

ysabetwordsmith

October 15 2008, 02:35:16 UTC 12 years ago

I was aiming to create a sense of being on the outside, looking in ... so I painted a picture of idealized childhood that would touch on most people's memories, so they could imagine what it would be like not having that.

jorrocks_j

But Grendel had a mother...

jorrocks_j

October 15 2008, 03:16:33 UTC 12 years ago

...Leslie Fish even wrote a song for her.

The refrain goes:

Son, I'm sure you would be sorry
If you weren't so very dead
But you never listened to a thing I said...
ysabetwordsmith

Re: But Grendel had a mother...

ysabetwordsmith

October 15 2008, 03:24:37 UTC 12 years ago

*facepalm* I've even heard that song, but I'd forgotten about it. Saw the recent CGI movie too.

So, not all monsters come from the same source.
the_vulture

the_vulture

October 15 2008, 06:19:36 UTC 12 years ago

I like the overall idea and the language used, but I wonder if it would be more effective if the link between fictional monster and real life monstrosity was hinted at instead of directly stated.
janetmiles

janetmiles

October 15 2008, 13:22:44 UTC 12 years ago

That's sad and beautiful both.
ysabetwordsmith

Thank you!

ysabetwordsmith

October 15 2008, 16:28:10 UTC 12 years ago

I'm glad you like it.
gumnut

gumnut

October 15 2008, 14:09:00 UTC 12 years ago

Hmm, I have a mixed response to this...cos I was a motherless child for a long time. And while I understand the intended meaning, it also implies that all fathers are unable to give any of those things listed.

It could also be that I'm so tired at the moment my brain is misfiring.

It has good pacing and beat and works well structurally and drives its point across well.

Thanks for writing and sharing.

Nutty
(not sure I should comment considering how brain dead I am at the moment)
ysabetwordsmith

Thoughts

ysabetwordsmith

October 15 2008, 19:20:29 UTC 12 years ago

Feedback is always welcome. That includes constructive criticism and discussion of a poem's merits and flaws -- as long as people don't get gratuitously rude, and so far, that rarely happens in my LJ. This poem is drawing mixed responses, and that's okay.

You raise a good point about fatherhood. However, look at how English encodes parenting concepts: there's no good parallel in general terminology. "Nurturing-parent-less" ...? Gak. So the poem illuminates the sexism and gender biases of the language, and the culture; particularly since the "classic" monsters date back quite a while, when gender roles were more rigid. There's some fine feminist underpinning in Frankenstein though.
thnidu

One word:

thnidu

October 16 2008, 01:53:20 UTC 12 years ago

Grendel.

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