Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith

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A Comic About Closets

Here's a great comic about coming out of closets

Thing is, some of us never came out, because we were never in a closet.  I knew about my weirdnesses many years before I developed any kind of verbal or social brakes.  Also some of the things that complicated my life were conspicuous and not concealable.  Number one on that list was ... my parents being schoolteachers.  This guaranteed that other children would hate me, and I didn't care, because my parents are awesome.  Since I had exactly zero chance of being popular no matter what I did, there was no reward for conforming and therefore not much pressure.  Not that it would've worked anyhow, but it was kind of nice to have such an obvious reason for the prejudice and for my indifference.  I did eventually learn that there were things that would make people extra berserk, and I figured out which ones I was willing and able to modulate to some degree.  There are things I'm more open about, and things I'm less open about.  But for the most part, I can fake being normal for a maximum of about three hours and then I am exhausted.  No closet could possibly contain that.  You might as well try to contain a bonfire in a paper lantern.  (We did that once.  It was spectacular for the 30 seconds or so that it lasted.)  And that makes a difference in how people experience the world.  How early they knew themselves, and whether the less-common traits were ever hidden.
Tags: art, gender studies, networking
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  • 9 comments
Sorry to litter your page here with so many different replies, but something else occurred to me. One of the weirdnesses I learned fairly quickly to conceal is my Mutant Power. My Mutant Power is that I can look into someone's eyes and tell if they're trustworthy or not. But when I was a kid, it was more powerful. It was basically mind reading. I remember when it first got me into trouble: this kid named H. D. (for Harley Davidson, poor kid) was bullying me for some reason, and I looked into his eyes. I don't remember what I said after that, but I think it was something that revealed that I could tell that there was some kind of problem at home that made him act the way he did. Whatever it was, I do remember I got unnaturally specific about it. Well naturally, the "how the hell could you possibly know that" factor made him bully me even worse than before, we struggled over a stuffed animal I had taken to show and tell (Patch Cat, I still have him), and I got him (the toy) but his tail tore off. I somehow got the tail, too, and ran home crying.

But despite that, a year or two later I used my Mutant Power to try to figure out why this other kid was bullying me. I don't know what gave me the guts to do it, but I said something about it. I don't remember what I said, but I remember what I saw that prompted me to speak: I saw he was picking on me because he wanted to be my friend. (Well, in retrospect he had a crush on me, too, but I didn't understand that at the time.) So in that case, it worked out well. We became friends, and then later more than friends.

There are things I'm more open about, and things I'm less open about. But for the most part, I can fake being normal for a maximum of about three hours and then I am exhausted.

Amen. And for me, there are things about me I've only told a few trusted people.
>>Sorry to litter your page here with so many different replies, but something else occurred to me.<<

This is fine!

>> One of the weirdnesses I learned fairly quickly to conceal is my Mutant Power. My Mutant Power is that I can look into someone's eyes and tell if they're trustworthy or not. But when I was a kid, it was more powerful. It was basically mind reading. I remember when it first got me into trouble: this kid named H. D. (for Harley Davidson, poor kid) was bullying me for some reason, and I looked into his eyes. I don't remember what I said after that, but I think it was something that revealed that I could tell that there was some kind of problem at home that made him act the way he did. Whatever it was, I do remember I got unnaturally specific about it. <<

Ooooh, yeah, that one. I have this targeting ability. Doesn't always light up, but when it does, it is ruinously specific about highlighting someone else's greatest secret or vulnerability. I shattered more than a few people who provoked me, before I learned to keep a safety cover over that particular tac nuke.
Ooooh, yeah, that one. I have this targeting ability. Doesn't always light up, but when it does, it is ruinously specific about highlighting someone else's greatest secret or vulnerability. I shattered more than a few people who provoked me, before I learned to keep a safety cover over that particular tac nuke.

I never used the ability as a weapon, not even against bullies; it was not in my nature to do so. I said what I said to H. D. out of empathy, I was trying to befriend him, so I could help him... cope, or heal, or get through his childhood intact, or something of the sort. It literally never occurred to me to use that ability as a weapon, for any reason. By the time that might have occurred to me, it had lost that level of sensitivity. Now it's basically just a creepdar; it tells me "oh this person is good" or "this person is to be avoided like the plague," or "something is off about this one," but it can't give me specifics anymore.
I've never been anyone's easy meat. This has its pros and cons.