busyI disagree with some of the phrasing and content.
Warning: The following debate concerns a controversial topic and strong opinions. If you are sensitive about any of that, please consider your headspace before reading further.
How I feel ...
1) Bullshit. Some adopted people are HAPPY to be adopted and feel no loss regarding their DNA donors. Don't overgeneralize or overdramatize. You can make a problem out of something that kids would otherwise not care about.
4) Bullshit. Healthy families do not create a fear of abandonment. It certainly doesn't happen JUST because of adoption. It happens because someone's actions cast doubt on their loyalty.
7) Meh. Even when people do track down their birthparents, the result is often a resounding, "Is that all there is?" Had no interest myself, but talked a friend through it. Really, they're strangers with common DNA. For most folks that's not a basis for intimate connection, at least not without a lot of extra work. Look into it if it's important to you, but don't expect everyone to care.
8) *epic facepalm* Golly gee whiz why would I thank someone for taking care of me for decades, spending massive amounts of money on me, and putting up with all the crazy shit kids do in the hope that an awesome adult might eventually come out of that? Naw, I'll just take it for granted.
If your parents abused or neglected you, then you don't owe them anything, including gratitude. If they took decent care of you, and you're not at least a little appreciative of that, then you don't have very good manners. Gratitude may be an emotion that can't be forced, but it can damn well be learned through practice.
Yeah, so, I think this country's attitudes about adoption are stupid and often destructive, and have improved only a little bit in recent decades. We still get crap like Thor's "He's adopted." And then the big ape wonders why Loki doesn't trust his protestations of filial love. While I was unamused by that rendering of adoption, I can't say it's inaccurate because people do make those kinds of mistakes. Adoption done right? Steve and Bucky: brothers in all but blood.
February 21 2015, 15:29:36 UTC 6 years ago
Adoption really does help a thing or two, but not everyone. My non-biological father does make me feel worse than if I was an ophran.
Thoughts
February 21 2015, 16:22:36 UTC 6 years ago
Oh, how awful.
>> I think so far that it's the most stupid thing I have ever experienced - don't you think? <<
For personal reasons I am more concerned about locking adoption to religion, where if you aren't the right religion you can't adopt. That's the one that nearly wrecked my life. But I certainly sympathize with the sexuality angle too.
It is absolutely essential that babies get a loving permanent home as soon as possible. Not doing that can cause lifelong damage. Screwing it up because you dislike the type of family is abusive to everyone involved.
>> Adoption really does help a thing or two, but not everyone. My non-biological father does make me feel worse than if I was an ophran. <<
Sadly so. Like other family models, adoption can be done well or badly. The real issue is one of functionality and satisfaction, rather than mode.
I quibble a bit over single-parent families because there is no fault tolerance on an official level if something happens to that parent; society just doesn't have effective ways of compensating for the privileges of marriage with family of choice, even though some people manage to assemble a terrific support network. Even nuclear families are vulnerable in ways that extended families are not. But that's a practical size/function issue, not a stylistic one. As long as you can get the job done, the rest is a matter of personal taste.
Re: Thoughts
February 21 2015, 21:54:32 UTC 6 years ago
Do you have a resolution in your mind?
Re: Thoughts
February 21 2015, 22:25:25 UTC 6 years ago
The way I see it, same-sex marriage and adoption are solutions to extant problems, which are caused by about 10% of relationships not being eligible for codification under the law. Now if the government has any business knowing about anyone's sexual arrangements, then that applies equally to all of them. I feel that it's justified because people moving through life as a social unit do many things together: buy houses, raise children, pay taxes, make health decisions, etc. If the government can ignore one group of people without damage, they should butt out of everyone's business. But those unrespected relationships DO cause damage: it's a constant hassle not just for homosexual folks but everyone around them, because the system is rigged for heterosexual couples and that makes things not work for anyone else. Equal rites fix that.
The fact that this is emotionally distasteful to some people means that they should practice coping skills, seek counseling, or meditate on their faith. It doesn't cause practical problems; studies show that children of same-sex parents turn out the same or better than those of heterosexual parents. Solving practical problems is more important than oppressing one group of people to for another's privilege.
Re: Thoughts
February 23 2015, 04:00:53 UTC 6 years ago
A civil union does not necessarily involve sex. A couple of Norwegian bachelor farmer brothers could set one up to care for each other, and maybe for a kid or 2. Or a "Boston marriage" in which the women were not sleeping together- because how it is the state's business who's fucking whom? Who is devoted to whom, and willing to care for each other an make responsible households is far more pertinent.
And yeah, that could include egalitarian plural unions between adults.
Re: Thoughts
February 26 2015, 07:29:50 UTC 6 years ago
Re: Thoughts
February 26 2015, 07:38:08 UTC 6 years ago
February 26 2015, 10:10:54 UTC 6 years ago
Well...
February 26 2015, 19:41:43 UTC 6 years ago
What makes this article a problem is that it attempts to insist on those things applying to ALL adoptees, which is demonstrably wrong, distorts the cultural perspective, and erases other people's experiences.