Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette

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A Different Perspective on Adoption

This is the standard.

I disagree with some of the phrasing and content.

Warning: The following debate concerns a controversial topic and strong opinions.  If you are sensitive about any of that, please consider your headspace before reading further.

How I feel ...

1) Bullshit. Some adopted people are HAPPY to be adopted and feel no loss regarding their DNA donors. Don't overgeneralize or overdramatize. You can make a problem out of something that kids would otherwise not care about.

4) Bullshit. Healthy families do not create a fear of abandonment. It certainly doesn't happen JUST because of adoption. It happens because someone's actions cast doubt on their loyalty.

7) Meh. Even when people do track down their birthparents, the result is often a resounding, "Is that all there is?" Had no interest myself, but talked a friend through it. Really, they're strangers with common DNA. For most folks that's not a basis for intimate connection, at least not without a lot of extra work. Look into it if it's important to you, but don't expect everyone to care.

8) *epic facepalm* Golly gee whiz why would I thank someone for taking care of me for decades, spending massive amounts of money on me, and putting up with all the crazy shit kids do in the hope that an awesome adult might eventually come out of that? Naw, I'll just take it for granted.

If your parents abused or neglected you, then you don't owe them anything, including gratitude. If they took decent care of you, and you're not at least a little appreciative of that, then you don't have very good manners. Gratitude may be an emotion that can't be forced, but it can damn well be learned through practice.

Yeah, so, I think this country's attitudes about adoption are stupid and often destructive, and have improved only a little bit in recent decades. We still get crap like Thor's "He's adopted." And then the big ape wonders why Loki doesn't trust his protestations of filial love. While I was unamused by that rendering of adoption, I can't say it's inaccurate because people do make those kinds of mistakes. Adoption done right? Steve and Bucky: brothers in all but blood.
Tags: family skills, networking, reading

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