Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith

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Lightsaber Humor

So the new Star Wars trailer has a new style of lightsaber, and it didn't take long for people to make fun of it.  Honestly I found that collection of joke images more entertaining than the trailer.  Some thoughts ...

1) That kind of ridiculous weaponry development has actually happened  with polearms and handheld blades such as knives and swords.

2) Even imaginary weapons need to be plausible.  If your audience can glance at the weapon and point out flaws, then you haven't done a very good job of design or portrayal.  Imaginary technology should have consistent rules which shape its development, just as the laws of physics and metallurgy shape historic weapons.

Take that lightsaber.  The horizontal quills make it easier to block an opponent's blow, because one lightsaber blade can stop another; but more importantly, they allow strikes to the side.  A drawback is that they raise the chance of cutting yourself.  If the handle of the weapon is not also invulnerable to the lightsaber blade, then quills raise the damage chance by channeling strikes toward the hilt; but if the handle is invulnerable, that's not a problem.  

Far more interesting is that this is a Force weapon wielded by a Sith or Jedi, which means with a little practice they ought to be able to control  those blades not just by hand and technology, but by will.  Imagine having a hilt that can extend a blade in three directions, or four if you remember the original double-bladed lightsaber with a hilt in the middle, as needed.  This adds a great deal of versatility and danger, although it also raises the amount of time required to become proficient in using the thing without slicing your own limbs off.  I'm serious about the risk factors, though; it's basically a giant laser switchblade.  Guys love to play with switchblades and butterfly knives because they're cool, but 9 out of 10 guys will cut themselves on one.  I've seen it repeatedly.  Like true ninja weapons, they're only useful if you know exactly what you are doing.
Tags: cyberspace theory, entertainment, humor, science fiction, writing
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As a point, lightsaber hilts are not immune to damage from other lightsabres, witness Episode 1 and what happened to the duel blade lightsabre.

However according to the Starwars technical manual, lightsabres generate a small localised magnetic field around the plasma emitter, i.e where the blade part comes out, which will deflect another blade. I imagine it's something like an invisible tusba for an ordinary lightsabre. Primarily it's meant to shield the users hand from radiated heat, and prevent the user from losing a finger if their hand slips on the hilt. Extending that concept, the shielding on the cross-pieces could merge with the primary blade and create something like curved or bell-end hilt, only invisible.
According to extended canon, Luke Skywalker developed a technique where he would flicker the power to his saber on making contact, so that his saber would seem to pass through the other blade. He made a habit of striking at the power crystal in the handle once his blade was on the other side, meaning a lot of Force users ended up with missing or damaged hands, but it's effectively a non-lethal end to the fight.
Valid technique.
I saw the joke posts before I even saw the trailer. And you're right, they're more entertaining. I watched the trailer and my response to it was "That told me absolutely nothing about the story." It was basically a collection of seemingly random images from the Star Wars universe. About the only thing I figured out about the story is that the black guy in the storm trooper outfit was probably not a storm trooper, since storm troopers are clones, and he did not look like the others from that one movie.

Honestly, the light saber is a ridiculous weapon to begin with. It is badass, but it is implausible and impractical. It borders on magic. And honestly, why don't light saber blades burn their users? The blade is way too close to their hands, and given that those blades can cut through spaceship bulkheads and doors, holding one of those things should give you third-degree or worse burns on your hands just turning it on. And they cut so much and easily, it's a wonder Jedis don't cut their own arms and legs off accidentally.

To be honest, I think even Lyria Spellspinner would take just one look at a light saber and roll her eyes at the ridiculousness of it. I mean, what powers it? How does it work? I once read a thing by Michio Kaku about scifi science, and his best guess for a plausible light saber was some kind of carbon nanotube grid running plasma through it, but the way he described his guess, the tip of the "blade" would not have been capable of cutting anything, and we clearly see Liam Neeson's character pushing his light saber into a bulkhead tip-first. Also, it would take one hell of a power source to power it.

Some kind of invulnerable metal blade, like adamantium, would have made more sense.
According to some tech specs I read years ago, the light saber is a toroid of plasma contained and shaped by a magnetic shell.
A better explanation would be some kind of displacement of some energy source, controllable by the force, with stronger/more skillful manipulation allowing higher energy concentrations.

But I think making them Applied Phlebotinum is probably the only thing that will ever happen.