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Poem: "Di Mezzo il Mare" - The Wordsmith's Forge — LiveJournal
The Writing & Other Projects of Elizabeth Barrette
Poem: "Di Mezzo il Mare"
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ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: January 28th, 2013 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well...

>>Actually the way he's acting is normal for non-modern or non-western people no matter how draconian we westerners might think it is.<<


Also imagine the fun of being expected to furnish a spouse for someone you don't even know. Who at first glance is not very marriageable. For which society will blame you, even though you just got there.

>>Many of the Indian, Arab, African, and Korean students I've met down through the years have told me real horror stories about how their parents approached finding them spouses. (Many of them haven't gone home in years for fear of arriving home just in time for the wedding to begin--literally.)<<

Yep, that still happens.

>>One Indian girl proudly told me that she'd finally managed to argue her father into presenting her with a set of CHOICES to choose from. It turned out that as long as the man was a doctor, her father was okay with her marrying him.<<

Choices are fairly common, though. So is family negotiation over what is desired in a mate.

Also just plain holding out for several years can lead to ...
"Marry a high-caste Hindu doctor."
"Marry a high-caste Hindu with a good job."
"Have you met any high-caste Hindu men lately? Dear?"
"Dear gods, at least let him be a Hindu."
"Please tell me you're still considering Indian men."
"Marry someone with testicles already. Anyone. Really."
"I don't care if you marry a GOAT, just pick SOMEONE so I can have grandchildren before I DIE!!111!!"

On the other hoof, some folks have tried the western dating practice and concluded that hiring a go-between is much more efficient and less aggravating. So I'm all in favor of that as long as the participants are willing and have similar goals regarding marriage. I don't see anything wrong with deciding, "I want to have a family and I want to pair up with someone else compatible who also wants that." It's the forced part that I object to, and sheesh, people get that about dating too.
From: rhodielady_47 Date: January 28th, 2013 09:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well...

"It's the forced part that I object to, and sheesh, people get that about dating too."

There's a news story on the internet I saw today about a woman who planned HER wedding 9 years before she found her groom.
Now down South that's not at all unusual seeing as how many little girls are asked regularly by their grandma's and aunts what sort of wedding dress they'd like. Many girls acquire a hope chest long before they're out of high school (and they start buying things to put in it too). It's just accepted that that's something women do and men pay for.
I had an excellent laugh at the numbers of knocking masculine knees in the comments following this article. No Bravehearts there!

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