Con Tips for Writers; Getting Someone's Attention

*muse* I notice there are variants of this approach that work in VR, also. The equivalent of "butting in" and the equivalent of sidling in sideways, politely. But I have yet to quantify the exact approaches.

I also think it depends upon how you do it. I've known people to lurk hoping someone will notice them. I've also known people to approach & wait for an appropriate break point to say "Excuse me..."

I have to agree with you though. I tend to think it's more polite to show patience in engaging someone in conversation.

I've been friends with too many men, so I tend to cut into conversations both online and off. I don't do it rudely, I just wait until a natural pause in the discussion and add my own opinion or knowledge. If I get ignored at that point, I get the hint and go off to mind my own business elsewhere.

If I'm not sure if my input would be welcome (or if I'm feeling shy) I would probably do the same, only I would start off by saying "If you don't mind my saying..."

I tend - in both Pagan and SF settings - to do the 'hover at the edge in line of sight'. If the conversation seems private, intense, or specifically focused, I go away as soon as that's clear.

If it isn't - and face it, while some conversations in these places are, but probably the majority aren't - then I hover for a couple of minutes (1-3) and see if I can get a quick "Can I catch up with you later" in to the person I want to talk to, or get invited to join in, whichever makes sense.

The one that I think is rude is either not going away when it's clear that there's a focused topic in play (that I'm not obviously directly involved in) or hanging around long periods hoping to be invited in.

Another thing I keep in mind is that there's other fun stuff I could be doing: if now is not the time, I'd rather be doing that, rather than hanging on the edges of something.

So much of what's acceptable is in the details. And the details change from setting to setting and group to group. My sister once forwarded me an essay about stuff like eye contact and conversational distance, and how different the author found those things at SF conventions and around non SF fans. If I can find it, and find an active link to it, I'll post the link.

If you can read body language at all, one good thing to keep in mind is that if what you're doing is making the person you want to talk to uncomfortable, do something different. Some possibilities are to look away from their eyes--or if you have been avoiding doing so, look in their eyes. Lower your voice, or raise it if they seem to be straining to hear you.

If you've been talking more than they have, pay attention to the pauses between sentences--they may assume a longer time in their heads to know when you're done and it's their turn to talk than you do, and may just be waiting politely until they're sure you're done to speak. Step back, or stop stepping back if they keep walking toward you. (If they want you to keep talking more than they are, they'll fill in with a question or something like "um hm?").

If you seem to have achieved a comfortable conversational distance, but there's someone going by who needs space, say "excuse me" when you move--you don't have to say who you want to excuse you, it just calls attention to the fact that you're moving situationally, not trying to invade their space.

That's what comes to mind at the moment.

But this is a difficult question to address, especially when in a setting like a convention where people have lots of different backgrounds.

Pretty much this. I will get in line of sight so that a bit of eye contact is made and then politely stand just to the side. I've done this at every con or meeting I've been to and it's resulted in some incredable discussions with writers, artists, actors, etc.

It's all in how you read body language, voice tone and such and for me, that's as important as the words actually being said.

Any way is better than the way I met author Dave Duncan. We collided at full speed on a staircase at a Con & fell over. His papers went everwhere, my books went everwhere, incl. my copy of his latest book at the time. We laughed, helped each other up, talked for a few minutes & he autographed my book. =)

I'm very much more comfortable with the stand to one side and wait to be acknowledged method. That doesn't mean I can't do the other.

This approach does not work so well online where the only way to make others aware that you are in fact there and interested is to make some sort of unsolicited contribution. I've had to work hard to overcome my usual reticence in this area. BTW - you've done a good job of making your blog an unthreatening space in which to do so. Questions and invitations to contribute like the ones in this post help. Thank you.

PS - Did you see the final version of Kaikoura? It's up here.

I was taught, in martial arts circles, that this is the proper way to get attention of the teacher or someone of higher rank than you. As I did this very thing, I learned that this was the proper and respectful way of doing it; I observed others NOT doing this, and they got summarily ignored.

So. This is somewhat ingrained into me.

If this makes one uncomfortable, or you're waiting a long time, then it is up to the one waiting to find an appropriate place to inject themselves into the existing conversation without disrupting things too much.