Children as Caregivers

>>With my mother's car accident and radical hip surgery, my sister and I filled in as daily caregivers even with the huge roll call of local church women coming in on a daily basis.<<

It's lucky that you had some support.

>>I'm not trying to validate or excuse this at *all* but sometimes one simply does what is necessary simply because it must be done and we were the only ones to do it. How to you not care for your ill/injured mother when she needs the help and you're the only one there?<<

When one has the capacity, one adapts.

When one does not have the capacity:

One may try and fail. Perhaps one makes a mistake that is damaging or fatal.

One may do the work, and accept the stress, until one's own body and/or mind tear apart under the strain, destroying one's own health and perhaps life.

One may see these possibilities, and leave; and in all likelihood everyone around will cast blame and aspersions and the result will be utter misery anyhow.

It is like lifting a weight. Everyone has some weight they can lift and some they cannot; some they might lift once, but a much lower amount that they could lift regularly. Some people's bodies adapt and grow stronger when they lift things. Other people tear muscles and tendons or have a heart attack trying to lift too much. People kill themselves every winter just trying to shovel snow because it needs to be done and there is nobody else to do it.

I happen to believe that trying to force people to do things beyond their ability is wicked. It doesn't work; it doesn't actually get the job done; it just harms people. That's a bad plan on a practical level as well as a moral one. It bothers me that this society doesn't seem to care if things get done adequately, or at all, or how badly people might get damaged trying to meet unreasonable demands.