Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette

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Homicidal Psycho Jungle GoH (Part 2 of 4)

This piece of Calvin & Hobbes  fanfic is part of the Asexy Valentines Festover on the Dreamwidth community asexual-fandom.  I've also done an art swap, so you can see the adorable illustration by Erin Ptah (DW user sailorptah) on my LJ scrapbook or the artist's Deviant Art page

Read part 1.

Homicidal Psycho Jungle GoH Part 2

 On the way to their room, they were mobbed by a quartet of fangirls in shiny silver costumes topped by fake antennae.  "Come to the Spaceman Spiff party!" they chorused, cleavage heaving.

 "Perhaps another time, ladies," said Hobbes.

 "Sorry, schedule conflict," Calvin demurred.

 "They're smothering me with their space babe balloons," Hobbes muttered to Calvin.  "Get me out of here."

 "We really need to get to our room," Calvin said, mashing himself against the wall to escape.

 "You're welcome to mine," one fangirl said, tucking a plastic card into Calvin's pocket.

 "Emergency eject!" yelled Hobbes.

 "Uh, I'm sure you need that -- I have one already, thanks," Calvin said.  He pressed the key card into the fangirl's hand and beat a hasty retreat.  Behind him, he could hear Susie scolding the fangirls about feminine dignity.

 Before they could find their room, though, two handsome men accosted them.  The shorter wore a dragonfly fairy costume while the taller wore a rainbow-striped spacesuit.  "We hope you'll come to the Gaylaxian party," the shorter one said.

 "We're not actually gay," Calvin said, waving away both the flyer and the basket of colorful condom packets.

 "We saw your epic escape from the space babes of hell," the taller one protested.

 "Also not actually heterosexual," Hobbes said.

 "Okay, that's just weird," the shorter one said.  "We had a bet on which party you'd pick."

 "Don't insult them, we want them to buy our books," Hobbes advised as Calvin wound up for a rant.

 "Schedule conflict!" Calvin said through a forced smile.

 "They're really quite busy," Susie said.  She snagged a handful of condoms, patted the surprised fairy on the shoulder, and hustled Calvin into the hotel room.

 "Safe at last," Calvin sighed, sagging against the closed door.

 "Fans are worse than headhunters," Hobbes said.

 "We should totally write that into our next book," said Calvin.

 "Oh yes -- with the fairy as the tribal overlord, and the spaceman trying to rescue the doomed space babes," said Hobbes.

 "But it all goes Horribly Wrong and then Spaceman Spiff has to save the day," Calvin finished.  "Notebook!"  He patted his pockets.

 Susie sighed and held out a notebook and pencil.  "Honestly.  You'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on.  I'm amazed you manage to drag that silly tiger around without losing him."

 "Hobbes follows me," Calvin said absently as he jotted down ideas.  "I think I'll use 'The Comet Cannibals' for a working title."

 "Is it always like this?" Susie asked.

 "Pretty much, yeah," said Calvin.  "The straight girls think we're straight, the gay guys think we're gay, and nobody gives us a moment's peace.  We're happy, you know?  It's not like we've got room for another relationship."

 "Okaaayyy ..." Susie said.  "Calvin, you are just too weird  for a normal relationship."

 Calvin grinned at her.  "Keep repeating that where the fans can hear you, and I'll give you a raise."

[Continued in part 3 and part 4 ...]
Tags: fiction, gender studies, humor, reading, romance, science fiction, writing

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