This poem is spillover from the January 8, 2019 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts and discussion from siliconshaman
. It also fills the "dissociation" square in my 6-4-18 Mixed card
for the Winteriron Bingo Adventure. This poem is posted in thanks for fuzzyred
updating the Shiv
thread, to which it belongs.Warning:
This poem contains intense topics. Highlight to read the warnings, some of which are spoilers. It features emotional mayhem, the inside of Shiv's head, because Shiv's head is always a warning, surprise at keeping promises, inadvertent eavesdropping, discussion of touchy topics in a not-private-enough space, having a hard day, poor self-image, reference to past sexual assault, reference to past sexual behavior which was consensual but irresponsible, leading to unwanted pregnancy, schadenfreud, proposed (and declined) abortion, offered (and declined) adoption, incorrectly assumed rejection, extremely negative self-talk, emotional meltdown, physical symptoms of emotional shock, causing a problem at work, which is handled fluently, reference to using foster children as a source of income, past rejection and abandonment, past trauma impairing interpretation of current events, commitment issues, family issues, Shiv's foster experience was largely a garbage fire, age regression, telepathy can't fix everything, emotional first aid, carrying, emergency cuddles, nonsexual intimacies, embarrassment, abandonment issues, self-recrimination, confusion, reference to past bereavement at a young age, discomfort with compliments, emotional pain from suddenly needing to handle things that Shiv is not quite ready for, feeling unlovable, brief mention of edgeplay and bloodplay as things Shiv likes, asking permission to tell Dr. G what happened, privacy issues, impaired consent, assisted decision-making, trust issues, ambivalence, changes, and other challenges. Despite the ouchy bits, though, it's positive overall because it contains a lot of comfort and makes some good progress.
If these are touchy topics for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.( Collapse )