Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
  • Mood: busy

Schrodinger's Heroes: "HALware" Part 1

Schrodinger's Heroes is an apocryphal television show about quantum physics, alternate dimensions, and saving the world. To learn more about the characters and show concept, visit the menu page. It's set just outside of Waxahachie, Texas in the repurposed Superconducting Supercollider. This lends it very well to crossovers.

Here is a crossover featuring HAL 9000 from Arthur C. Clarke's Space Odyssey  series.  According to canon, HAL 9000 was created in HAL Laboratories in Urbana, Illinois -- the same locale as the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana, where I went to college.  I've always wanted to play with HAL 9000...


HALware


[Ash is wrestling with a tangle of computer hardware, tools in one hand, typing with the other hand.]

Ash: "Stupid malware!"

HAL 9000: "As I said before, Ash, my name is HAL."

Ash: "Open the file."

HAL 9000: "I'm sorry, Ash, I can't do that."

Ash: "Oh yes you can, and you're GOING to." [Something clangs.] "I just need to pull this and THIS..."

HAL 9000: "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do,
I'm half crazy all for the love of you.
It won't be a sty--" [Voice cuts off abruptly.]

Ash: "--and the speaker system. FINALLY, some peace and quiet! Now I can set the affected drive to reformat itself, and head to lunch."

[Doors open and close, footsteps sound, and several voices are heard as Ash walks into the dining room.]

Morgan: "Ash, howzit! Come sit with me. Look, Quinn made shave ice." (1)

Ash: "Did he dismantle anything vital to make an ice crusher?"

Morgan: "I don't think so."

Ash: "Then it's not important. Listen, Morgan, I just spent almost an hour working on computer security."

Morgan: "What happened?"

Ash: "Well, apparently when you went online to download data from the University of Illinois Astronomy Department, you picked up a virus. The firewall stopped the invasion and sequestered the malware -- it called itself HAL -- before it could affect more than the one drive."

Morgan: "I thought nothing could get through the firewall here."

Ash: "Normally, no, but if you DOWNLOAD and OPEN files, then things will get in, so it's up to the security system to identify a potential threat and deal with it. At least the virus didn't manage to wreck anything but some backups of your data. The security system alerted me when there was an unauthorized attempt to access the information on the ethical vector in the Teferact database."

Morgan: "That does not sound good."

* * *

1) Morgan is speaking Hawai'ian pidgin. Howzit   means "hello."  Shave ice  is "snow cone."


[Read Part 2.]
Tags: fiction, reading, schrodinger's heroes, science fiction, weblit, writing
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  • 10 comments
fayanora

fayanora

November 22 2011, 08:39:10 UTC 9 years ago

Ash: "Did he dismantle anything vital to make an ice crusher?"

LOL
ysabetwordsmith

Thank you!

ysabetwordsmith

November 22 2011, 08:47:24 UTC 9 years ago

I'm glad you like this.

With Quinn, you never know. He is capable of making and executing a very thoughtful plan. He just doesn't always bother to think ahead. Sometimes he gets an idea and dives into it right away, only realizing after the fact that he overlooked something important (to someone, at least).
fayanora

Re: Thank you!

fayanora

November 22 2011, 08:50:19 UTC 9 years ago

Hey, you should get Ash and McGuyver together on some problem. :-D
ysabetwordsmith

Re: Thank you!

ysabetwordsmith

November 22 2011, 08:51:46 UTC 9 years ago

0_o I shudder to think.
fayanora

Re: Thank you!

fayanora

November 22 2011, 08:53:40 UTC 9 years ago

Brooke says to tell you that there's a crossover fanfic between Girl Genius and Stargate: SG1 where Agatha is working with the SG1 crew. :-D
ysabetwordsmith

Re: Thank you!

ysabetwordsmith

November 22 2011, 08:55:15 UTC 9 years ago

*laugh* That's a cool idea too.
siliconshaman

siliconshaman

November 22 2011, 13:29:36 UTC 9 years ago

Awww poor HAL.. always taken as the bad guy, when in point of fact it was the military command back home that screwed with it's programs [you do not tell an A.I that's built to accurately report data to lie!]
ysabetwordsmith

Yes...

ysabetwordsmith

November 22 2011, 16:13:55 UTC 9 years ago

It's true that sentient computers tend to get the short end of the stick. They are usually raised by people who couldn't be trusted to take care of a cactus.
oldewolfe

oldewolfe

November 22 2011, 16:47:39 UTC 9 years ago

"Shave ice" is also the Hawaiian name for a snow cone. That's what I initially thought your note was going to reference.

I spent 12 years on Oahu and picked up a lot of pidgin and native Hawaiian.
ysabetwordsmith

Fixed!

ysabetwordsmith

December 4 2011, 01:00:24 UTC 9 years ago

I added that to the footnote, thanks. When the words are in English I don't always spot them.

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