Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith

  • Mood:

Poem: "The Steamsmith"

This poem came out of the November 1, 2011 Poetry Fishbowl.  It was inspired by a detailed character prompt from marina_bonomi who also sponsored this poem.

"The Steamsmith" is steampunk, and features an odd form of alchemical science; the physics, biology, and other parameters in this setting differ considerably from those in our consensus reality.  I've included some vocabulary notes below the poem; the etymology is largely Greek.  You can read more about the classical elements online.  There is a matching poem, "The Four Humours," which delves into interactions between that alchemical science and various types of people.

Also, I've asked someone to britpick this but it's gotten sponsored before that could be completed.  I did make time this morning to run the poem through a British English spellchecker.  If anyone spots something that doesn't seem to fit the context, please let me know.  I'm a lot more fluent with British than most Americans, but there are still things I miss -- and I'm only somewhat familiar with steampunk as a genre.


The Steamsmith


It was quite a sensation
when Maryam Smith moved into
the quiet middle-class neighbourhood
full of tailors and bank tellers and tutors.

She didn't come in a hansom with a baggage cart
drawn by a team of ordinary horses,
nor even in a fancy new steam-waggon
with its engine chuffing and whistling
in the brisk London air.

No, she came marching in her own black boots
with her tommies clanking along behind in a parade,
bright gears whirring as they carried her worldly goods
up the front steps of the little brick house.
Her walking stick clicked against the cobblestones
as she came, and she waved it in the air
to organise the tommies in their work,
deft as a conductor directing an orchestra.

The neighbours leaned out of doors and windows
to watch, for they had rarely seen such a sight.
Her white gloves were very crisp
against the smooth dark chocolate of her skin.
When she smiled, her teeth stood out
like almonds in a dark-toasted tea biscuit.
Her hair was done up in dozens of tiny knots
all over her head, fastened with shiny brass fittings.

Gleaming proudly on the lapel of her frock coat
was a pin made of silver and gold --
the silver crescent of the moon for Water and
the gold circle of the sun for Fire,
its edge notched with teeth to form a gear --
the emblem of the Steamsmith guild.

(They hadn't wanted to let her in, of course,
but she was more intelligent and more refined
than any three of them put together,
and after she demonstrated how to
crack light into its component elements,
separating a molecule of phos
into an atom of aer  and an atom of pyra,
they would have looked like complete cads
to keep her out, and they couldn't have that.
So Maryam Smith got her guild pin.)

The women in the neighbourhood gossiped,
of course, but it did them little good.  She would
disappear into her carriage house for days at a time,
having turned it into a private laboratory
from which colourful plumes of smoke
emerged at unpredictable intervals.
The men swore she would blow the place up,
twiddling around with things a woman
had no business handling,
but she never did.

Then one rainy afternoon,
a steam-carriage sent to pick up a tutor
broke down in the street near her house.
Maryam popped up next to the chauffeur.
"I say, old chap, from the sound of the engine
there's a leak in your hood that's letting in water --
and the least bit of hudor  in the arche
will shut your fuel cycle right down,"
she said cheerfully as she propped her umbrella
against the upraised bonnet of the steam-carriage.

With that she stripped off her white leather gloves,
meticulously dried off the engine with her handkerchief,
and wedged a bit of putty into a tiny hole in the bonnet.
"That should do until you get home," said Maryam,
"though you'd best get that hole soldered properly
as soon as possible.  Good day, lads!"
She tipped her hat at them and strode away,
leaving the chauffeur and the tutor staring dazedly
as she sprang up the steps to her front door.

The next day, the tutor's wife called with an invitation to tea,
and the chauffeur brought a calling card from his lord,
and that was the end of the rude talk for a while.

* * *
aer -- the element of Air

arche -- a prime steamwork fuel; a molecule consisting of one atom of aer (Air)  and two of pyra (Fire).  It quits working if exposed to hudor (Water).

hudor -- the element of Water

phos -- light; a molecule consisting of one atom of aer (Air) and one of pyra (Fire)

pyra -- the element of Fire

steamsmith -- an expert in alchemical science and technology

steamwork -- alchemical science and technology

tommies -- automatons, robots, androids; fairly sophisticated models that resemble people

***************************

Tags: cyberfunded creativity, ethnic studies, fantasy, fishbowl, gender studies, poem, poetry, reading, science fiction, writing
Subscribe

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 39 comments
>>LOL, I read it to him as soon as you sent the preview.
He's not really into steampunk illustration *but* he'll definitely paint a portrait of Maryam for me (and I'll pass it on, of course). <<

*happydance* I look forward to seeing that. I really admire his art.

>>She's been in my mind for a while and 'Maryam' is my user name on a steampunk site I occasionally visit.<<

That is so cool. Also, if you're familiar with steampunk, you can help me get a handle on this genre. It's something I've read on occasion, but very rarely written.

>>You gave me a start with her hairdo,I hadn't put it in the prompt but that's exactly how I visualize it.<<

Yay! I think the hairdo is a riff off of some traditional African ones that involve metal rings or other doodads. You still see it over here with things like beads on the ends of braids.

Maryam is loud for a character. I think her life has made her assertive and it just carries over. Most of my characters don't 'notice' me or interact with me directly, though there are always a few who do. She swept into my office and dumped an armload of stuff all over my desk; that's how I got most of the alchemical science/technology, enough to know where to look up the remainder. So I'm not surprised that she's perceptible to both of us independently. I've had this sort of thing happen to me before, enough times that I just acknowledge I'm usually writing things down rather than making things up.

Also, I'm really pleased to have a black female lead, who is a sort of scientist-mechanic, and a new genre to play with. Hee! I need to see if I can figure out a way to render my little pencil-sketch of the steamsmith pin in a way that could be shared online. It just begs to be made into jewelry, or at least printed on a button. And I am so going to look for metal embellishments at the scrapbooking store -- I did that once for "Artifacts of Intelligent Design."
>Maryam is loud for a character.<

She definitely is, 'assertive' is the right word for her. And she might just have made another 'victim'.

Over dinner I was chatting with hubby about the poem and that third verse and, out of the blue, with a twinkle in his eye he commented 'it's inspiring' (note: he has said long and loud that he likes steampuk to look at but is not his genre to paint and he had been busy as a beaver for months with industry work).
When I told he that he had just committed himself he laughed in a definite 'I knew it' way. :)
>> She definitely is, 'assertive' is the right word for her. <<

Sooth. I am further reminded of a distinction that I make: If you can back it up, it's confidence. If you can't, it's arrogance.

>> And she might just have made another 'victim'. <<

Hee! Maryam is as sticky as the tar baby.

>> Over dinner I was chatting with hubby about the poem and that third verse and, out of the blue, with a twinkle in his eye he commented 'it's inspiring' (note: he has said long and loud that he likes steampuk to look at but is not his genre to paint and he had been busy as a beaver for months with industry work).
When I told he that he had just committed himself he laughed in a definite 'I knew it' way. :) <<

Yay! That's so exciting. I can sympathize -- I haven't been much into steampunk, but oh, I like this version.

I'll try and remember to share what I discover, puttering around. So far I'm realizing that this London doesn't look the same as the usual steampunk, which tends to be smoky and dark and gritty with a gleam of metal. This has its grungy parts, I'm sure, but much of it seems to be a softly glowing London of fog and gaslight, metal and glass. They're actually replacing a lot of early industrial stuff with cleaner options as they learn more about steamwork. So the gaslamps, when switched over to phos, aren't exactly burning anything. (Maryam thinks that burning things is filthy, and she kind of has a point there.) The science shapes not just the culture, but the aesthetics.

I'm betting their cameras work by somehow crystallizing phos into solid form.
<
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<so [...] aesthetics.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<<So far I'm realizing that this London doesn't look the same as the usual steampunk, which tends to be smoky and dark and gritty with a gleam of metal. This has its grungy parts, I'm sure, but much of it seems to be a softly glowing London of fog and gaslight, metal and glass. They're actually replacing a lot of early industrial stuff with cleaner options as they learn more about steamwork. So the gaslamps, when switched over to phos, aren't exactly burning anything. (Maryam thinks that burning things is filthy, and she kind of has a point there.) The science shapes not just the culture, but the aesthetics.

I'm betting their cameras work by somehow crystallizing phos into solid form.>>

Developing the science here could be really fascinating, a clean industrial revolutionhas great implications for the future of the world, and at the same time it doesn't take away from the 'real' grittyness that would be the impact of a relatively new technology on people, and the possibility of social commentary 'Maryam-style' on social issues.
>>Developing the science here could be really fascinating,<<

I think so, yes. It's so different. A lot of steampunk has a strong fantasy element. This is solidly science, just ... some of it is the kind that resembles magic until examined closely.

>> a clean industrial revolution has great implications for the future of the world, <<

Yes. From what I can tell so far: The nobles and the wealthy have as much of the new technology as they choose to adopt. (Not everyone likes it.) The middle class is just starting to get the innovations, often secondhand or as a perk of service. The lower class still makes do with mostly older options. But there's an increasing push to make some things generally available, precisely because they are cleaner and better for society at large. That point is fought mainly by enlightening people's self-interest.

The new technology mostly does seem cleaner than earlier options. Of course, some of it is dangerous or at least volatile, but then coal dust can explode too and it's filthy. The ground-engines may well be grungy places to work. Things that run on water power are apt to be wet. But a lot of the gear runs on fire and/or air types of energy, and thus less messy.

>> and at the same time it doesn't take away from the 'real' grittyness that would be the impact of a relatively new technology on people, and the possibility of social commentary 'Maryam-style' on social issues.<<

Right. I think much of the conflict comes as people are realizing more about how the world actually works, and it's not always what they thought it would be. So they're confronted with things like smart women and capable foreigners, which makes them uncomfortable, and uncomfortable people often get defensive and belligerent. There are questions about what a society should provide for its people and how; not every society answers those questions the same way.

One thing I like about Maryam is that her combination of qualities and circumstance will place her firmly in the central action -- no matter who else shows up. The steamsmith is at the hub of a wheel, that connects with other wheels.
>>Right. I think much of the conflict comes as people are realizing more about how the world actually works, and it's not always what they thought it would be. So they're confronted with things like smart women and capable foreigners, which makes them uncomfortable, and uncomfortable people often get defensive and belligerent. There are questions about what a society should provide for its people and how; not every society answers those questions the same way.

One thing I like about Maryam is that her combination of qualities and circumstance will place her firmly in the central action -- no matter who else shows up. The steamsmith is at the hub of a wheel, that connects with other wheels<<

Yes *and* yes, she is definitely the main character, and I love how this setting is shaping up to be 'steam' and 'punk' in a very unusual way, most of what I read seems to be very 'Victorian with technology grafted on', this.is.different.
>>Yes *and* yes, she is definitely the main character, and I love how this setting is shaping up to be 'steam' and 'punk' in a very unusual way, most of what I read seems to be very 'Victorian with technology grafted on', this.is.different.<<

I've been exploring some of the other scientific and technological differences, trying to spot the major ones; and the branches of medicine; and trying to figure out which cultures have focused on what. I haven't gotten to the stage of collating those impressions yet though.