Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
  • Mood: busy

Poem: "Hawk in the Night"

This poem came out of the September 6, 2011 Poetry Fishbowl.  It was prompted by zianuray and sponsored by Shirley and Anthony Barrette.  You can read more about red-tailed hawks and their symbolism online.


Hawk in the Night


A red-tailed hawk flew through my dream.
It moved into my barn and spoke to me.
Sometimes it would land nearby and preen my hair.

Hawks are the bringers of vision and insight,
symbols of leadership and energy.
Their power lies in taking the long view,
yet they can also focus on the tiniest of details.

When they come in the day,
they are creatures of the sun.
At night, in the owl's hour,
they borrow a subtler magic
as the moon reflects the hidden sun.

It is said that to be preened by a hawk
is to be groomed for a position of authority,
and for a wild creature to nest in a manmade place
is a message of balance between the wild and the tame.

I only know that something in me
is opening wings of bronze and copper,
taking flight to search the ground below
for hidden prey.

Do not tell me
that freedom is a vain hope:
I cannot hear you
over the hawk-whispers in my ears.

Tags: cyberfunded creativity, fishbowl, nature, poem, poetry, reading, wildlife, writing
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  • 4 comments
ideealisme

ideealisme

September 22 2011, 22:33:26 UTC 9 years ago Edited:  September 22 2011, 22:35:31 UTC

I like this a lot. I hope you do not object that I have given it a bit of a haircut - I don't usually interfere in other people's work but something moved me in this instance:

Hawk in the Night


A red-tailed hawk flies through my dream,
moving into my barn, landing nearby
speaking to me sometimes , preening my hair.

When he comes in daylight,
he is a creature of the sun.
At night, in the owl's hour,
he will borrow subtler magic
as a moon reflects a sun more hidden.

They say that to be preened by a hawk
is to be groomed for authority;

I only know

that something in me
must open bronze and copper wings
and take flight,
searching the ground below
for hidden prey -

Do not tell me
freedom is a vain hope.
ysabetwordsmith

Cool!

ysabetwordsmith

September 22 2011, 23:52:25 UTC 9 years ago

Thank you for sharing. I don't mind if people come here and play around with my poetry like this. It's interesting to see what happens.

Comparing the two versions, I think yours is more concise and intense. It has the impact of a hawk striking out of a blue sky. Mine is more dreamy and introspective -- I was aiming for that tone because of the original prompt. If I'd started from scratch to write a poem about hawk symbolism, it probably would have looked more like your version. Some of my other hawk poems are like that. I like both kinds.
ideealisme

Re: Cool!

ideealisme

September 22 2011, 23:55:04 UTC 9 years ago

I am glad :) The poem moved me, particularly the ending.
ideealisme

Re: Cool!

ideealisme

September 22 2011, 23:56:20 UTC 9 years ago

also the ambiguity - is the dreamer so gone on freedom because of the ability to fly, or the ability to kill? The question remains open-ended, both in your original and my edit. I like that.