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Poem: "The Picket Fence Committee" (revised) - The Wordsmith's Forge
The Writing & Other Projects of Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
ysabetwordsmith
Poem: "The Picket Fence Committee" (revised)
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Comments
kitrona From: kitrona Date: September 9th, 2011 06:32 am (UTC) (Link)
It feels more complete now. Before it felt like a one-man crusade against the house, which is perfectly possible. Now it feels like the house is REALLY lucky the narrator and his wife... well, formed a symbiotic relationship with it. :)
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: September 9th, 2011 08:18 am (UTC) (Link)

Thank you!

>>It feels more complete now.<<

Oh, good.

>> Before it felt like a one-man crusade against the house, which is perfectly possible. Now it feels like the house is REALLY lucky the narrator and his wife... well, formed a symbiotic relationship with it. <<

Thinking about this further:

1) Yes, the house is lucky.

2) I like the way this expansion contributes to the idea that the surrounding social sphere is clinging desperately to "normal."

3) Which is probably a significant reason the house fell into such poor repair in the first place.

4) But if push came to shove, I wouldn't place my money on the bulldozer.
kitrona From: kitrona Date: September 9th, 2011 08:21 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

Agreed on all points. :) It would be awfully mysterious the way that darn bulldozer kept breaking down... or falling in a sinkhole... or the tracks came loose... or... ;)
aldersprig From: aldersprig Date: September 9th, 2011 01:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

reminds me of the way the car always broke down on the way to summer camp...

(My dad scolded me for that ;-)

But yes, it fits better with the title, and with the feeling of a lovely house becoming a home in a ticky-tack cookie-cutter world.
19 comments or Leave a comment