The Social Contract

It is very bizarre. There is a power structure, and anyone that poses a threat to that power structure gets banished. I have been banished twice, and yet, I am going back again. I could write a book about our group.

We just had to do that on a pagan online group I moderate. Thankfully I did not have to make that call bc I was out of town. The list owner did the banning.

In a nutshell

1 - Another group moderator and one of the group members have a long standing virulent hatred of each other, which they mainly kept off the list. Good for them.

2 - Said member has a problem with authority, considers any list rule enforcement to be fascism and censorship, and becomes overtly aggressive when challenged even slightly.

3 - Moderator who hates him has a tad more subtlety so he used a throw away comment made by member to antagonize him into becomeing overtly aggressive, then claimed innocence.

4 - Said member predictably started ranting and raving, and thus the list owner banned him.

5 - Victory to moderator, who continues to maintain his own innocent victim stance after he manipulated the situation to achieve his own ends.

Me, I stayed out of it. After that huge war I got into with that Richard fellow (remember him?) I was not in any position to judge either of them for their behavior once they took it off the list. I told the moderator later than I have no moral high ground to stand on for judging anyone. No one is perfect.

I mostly agree with everything you say here; however, I maintain that it is much more likely to get the results you want if your social contract is "we agree to show respectful, polite behavior to everyone" than if you try to get the average (or angry) person to understand what you mean by "approach with a neutral to potentially positive bearing..." much less implement it. I suspect that even saying "we agree to show courtesy to everyone", which might be how your inner self would phrase it, would not have quite the same results as using the word "respect". Too many people don't really understand courtesy, and some see it as less than honest. I can't explain why, but I've heard it too many times to discount that that attitude exists.

But very few people argue when I point out that everyone is equally sacred, and even when we make mistakes, we deserve respect. Sometimes I have to rephrase to fit a particular person's comfortable terminology, but the central point, that we Pagans are all people trying to follow a sacred path, and that as such we are all deserving of respect even though we all make mis-steps, does seem to be a universal belief--or as close to universal as any of our other, more-often cited, beliefs.

Also, the "angry" part is important here. To explain why, I have to digress a little.

My sister and I talked last night about Obama’s long-time pastor, about how, during the first part of the sermon people are so upset about, he repeatedly preached that it is wrong to condemn or show prejudice toward a whole people for the actions of a few of them, even if those few are their leaders. And then, he said what has been repeatedly quoted, which is clearly contrary to both Christian teachings (love your neighbor, etc.) and to what he had just been preaching. My sister maintained that she observed in the Bill Moyers interview that the preacher is an intelligent man. I asked, how could an intelligent man not see that contradiction? Her answer was, “because he was angry, so angry that it caused a disconnect in his ability to think about this issue”.

Very often, Pagans are angry. Like the Reverend, that anger has its roots in how they were treated when they were too young and/or powerless to be able to protect themselves. And I see a great similarity in being angry because of deep-seated pain from being marginalized and put down because one perceives the Sacred differently and the deep-seated pain from being marginalized and put down because one’s skin is different. I think this kind of blinding anger is the protective scab on a soul-wound that has not healed.

Too often, this soul-deep anger leads people to misbehave, to act badly, sometimes even in contradiction to what they believe—-in short, to exhibit behaviors that are definitely NOT worthy of respect. And yet, to treat them with active disrespect at this moment, when they are acting out of and blinded by their anger and pain, resonates so strongly with the original hurt and anger, that it usually pushes them further into the hurt and anger that caused the misbehaviors, because they are not acting logically, because there is a disconnect in their thinking due to all that hurt and anger (and under it, fear of being hurt again).

Certainly, one should not honor bad behavior, but “dis”-ing the person does nothing to break into the predictable cycle of disrespect leading to hurt, leading to anger, leading to acting out, leading to more disrespect, and so on without end.

Sometimes people can reach a satori themselves, that allows them to express their anger in some more healthy way. More often, they cannot break out of this destructive and painful cycle without some guidance, help, or insight from someone else. And with that kind of soul-wound, they literally cannot hear anyone who is being disrespectful. At least, not in any way that is helpful to them or anyone else.

It is, admittedly, a very hard thing to do, to show respect for a person while condemning their behavior. But I think it is necessary to try.