This poem came out of the May 3, 2011 Poetry Fishbowl. It was selected in the generally sponsored poetry poll. It was inspired by a prompt from haikujaguar who related an anecdote about a transgender person using the changeling myth to retell their own story. This is the heart of all storytelling, the power inherent in myths and folk tales -- it lets us turn our own experiences into stories, making them easier to remember, to deal with, to incorporate into our lives. Think about the stories you tell of your own life, and the family stories you pass down. Then read this one, with its dual levels of meaning, the faerie and the transgender...
Father, I know
you raised a daughter,
but she was never me.
She was a changeling child
that the fairies left in my place.
I'm sorry it took so long
for me to find a way
to banish her back Underhill
with the magic of steel knives
and a brewing far more complex
than any eggshells.
Father, I am here now,
the son you always wanted.
Let me sit at your knee
and learn the things
that men teach to boys.
If my face is still halfway
between handsome and beautiful,
if my voice sounds a bit fey,
if I seem not quite real --
it is only because I was raised on
fairy wine and clover honey
and the silver apples of the moon.
Give it time. The mortal world
will remember how to hold me.
Father, I only want
to belong, to find the place
that should have been mine from birth.
Only give me the key to your heart
and I will be content.
Let the Fair Folk have their daughter back,
who dances in her pink dress
and laughs behind her lily hand.
Let me have the axe and the woodpile
and a shirt of good blue flannel.
I've made the long journey home.
It's up to you now to open the door
on our happily ever after.
Thoughts
May 11 2011, 21:41:34 UTC 10 years ago
I'm glad you liked it.
>> I've never identified as genderqueer, but like many aspergirls I've never felt especially female either. I just don't have a strong gender identity either way. <<
Huh ... that's an interesting perspective. I'm not sure I've encountered "no strong gender identity" as a setting on that map before. Most people seem to have a very keen perception of what they are, although some require some searching to find it. But when I stop and think, if one doesn't fit the usual and doesn't necessarily fit one's body, indifference is a reasonable option. (I do remember reading that Asperger's tends to manifest very differently in male vs. female bodies.) Thank you for sharing!
>> I can definitely relate to not being what my parents expected when I was born, but unlike the character in your poem, I think it's more likely that I'm the changeling, who would fit in better back in fairyland :P <<
Plenty of people feel that way. Fey traits do not fit well in human cultures. (The big one for me growing up was laughing at "inappropriate" occasions. It took me years of effort to learn how to control it even partway, and it's extremely difficult. Also not being firmly anchored in consensus timespace continuum has gotten me in a lot of trouble.) In fact, "changeling" is a popular term in the magical community for a magically inclined person born to mundane parents.
Re: Thoughts
May 12 2011, 09:01:14 UTC 10 years ago
Re: Thoughts
May 12 2011, 17:16:14 UTC 10 years ago
For me, this is a direct consequence of being a shapeshifter and having farmemory of other lives. When you've been there, done that, and made a king-sized quilt out of the worn-out t-shirts ... it just stops seeming as important.
For you it's probably an effect of neurovariance; I'll keep an eye out for more examples in other asperfolk I know. I've read enough to know that that variant tends to create a very different emotional matrix than human-standard. *ponder* Which kinda makes me want to riffle the genderqueer community to see if it has a higher-than-statistical-norm representation of people who are not neurotypical.
This is fascinating.