Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith

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Poem: "Moral Traditions"

This poem came out of the May 3, 2011 Poetry Fishbowl.  It was inspired by new prompter idhren24 and sponsored by laffingkat. If you like the idea of updated folk tales, I've done some in my own poetry and fiction -- but I also recommend the work of Rosemary Lake.


Moral Traditions


Time is not locked
in a crystal casket.
It twists and grows
like a beanstalk.
What we knew
when the world was new
sometimes changes
as we climb higher.
the patterns remain --
three brothers,
glass slippers,
swords and dragons --
but the messages
can be as different
as bud and blossom,
upholding fresh virtues.
The hero can be rescued
from a terrible fate.
The heroine can
save the world.
He can be gentle
as well as handsome.
She can be smart
as well as beautiful.
Sometimes two princes
or two princesses
share the kiss
of true love.
Sometimes the key
closes, not opens.
Sometimes the monster
is the man, not the beast.
Sometimes the bandit is
not evil but misunderstood.
Sometimes the witch is
not adversary but teacher.
Folk tales are
beans and rice,
gold and clay,
food for thought.
The tales we tell
determine what we
pass down in our
moral traditions.

Tags: cyberfunded creativity, fantasy, fishbowl, history, poem, poetry, reading, writing
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  • 16 comments

Deleted comment

>>Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your honesty. Now knowing that stories where the lesbian characters die are detested by lesbian readers stops me from making what could have been a dreadful mistake. Of course, it also takes away that added bit of motivation I thought the change would add to the piece.<<

Well, to understand what the "Dead Lesbian" cliche means for a writer you need to know the context. That is, lots of stories have one lesbian and wind up killing her off. Most people who aren't lesbians haven't identified this as a pattern which makes it an easy mistake to make. But when the only people like you in a story always seem to wind up dead, that gets maddening after a while.

So then a writer, knowing this trend, can work with it or around it. Does this character, who has to die, have to be a lesbian? If no, use some other orientation or just don't mention who they sleep with. Does this character, who has to be a lesbian, have to die? If no, have someone else open the monster door. If there is a lesbian character who has to die for compelling plot reasons, is she the only lesbian in the story? If yes, try adding another lesbian who will survive to the end. Knowing about the boobytrap, and why it's a boobytrap, can help avoid it without mangling a story. Identify what your tension attaches to and try to figure a way around the trap.

Conversely if you're interested in the idea of the Dead Lesbian as a motif, then you might explore it in fiction. Why does the lesbian always die? Is there a glitch in the flow of fate? A curse? A deity who has it in for dykes? Karma crush deaths caused by bigots reincarnating as lesbians who die horribly? Those all lead to different places, and they all make some kind of meta-comment on the trope.

>> I'm starting to think it isn't worth the effort. My time might be better spent drawing. There are only so many hours in a day and days in a week, and if my prose fiction is going nowhere, then maybe I shouldn't waste much time on it. <<

Now that's a decision that only you can make. I certainly do some of my steering based on what is popular or profitable -- I'll do more of things that sell well and generate buzz.

Deleted comment

The tension concept there isn't bad. *ponder* Might it work if you set the story in context of a lesbian community? If it's not an everybody-dies kind of horror story, the presence of other lesbian characters would provide a buffer. But if you've only got two characters and they both die, yeah, they should be something other than lesbians (or any minority, really, tokendeath being a widespread trope).

Deleted comment

According to this thread, you've only considered switching from "straight white males" to not-straight indeterminate females. Why change all three (or even two out of three) of the defining aspects of your characters, rather than just one? Would a gay male relationship provide the added motivation you feel is needful? What would happen if only one of the characters was gay, or a race other than white? If some portion of the story requires romantic involvement or sexual tension to justify, would it work with a straight couple? I suspect that your current version is far closer to workable (read: publishable) than you think, and that your roadblock regarding revision is coming from an innate awareness that changing both characters so completely would take things too far from your original inspiration. Trying to find some 'middle ground' may offer a solution to the problem.
Folks, this is my first-reader. My first-reader is good. If you enjoy my fiction, this would be part of why. He's more use than some professional editors I've worked with.

Deleted comment

>> I treat my wife and my daughter as my first readers, although many, many, many people say that you should never do that. Over, and over, and over again, I've heard that family members cannot possibly give a writer an objective opinion, that their feelings toward the writer will affect their opinions of what's written. <<

Well, it depends on your friends and family. I started out with my parents as first-readers. They are both teachers. They read over my stories with the eye of an experienced grader. This did wonders for my basic writing skills. They also love literature (duh, look at my given name) and got me hooked on that. So, they're also qualified to comment on aesthetic aspects.

Then I had various friends join in. I still use friends as first-readers sometimes, especially when they've asked to see a particular story or if they have some relevant expertise.

Then I met my_partner_doug who is a deep reader and whose brother is an editor. He pretty much killed a chicken over the first few things I handed him. So both my technical skills and my artistic skills got honed further. Of all the folks I've worked with, he's done the most in terms of structural improvements -- working on my tendency to get scenes out of sequence. (I don't always receive them in chronological order.) By that point, too, I'd worked with a number of fan and professional editors. His comments started out on par with the average and quickly improved. Right now, I haven't worked with anyone of higher editorial skill, and plenty of folks I've worked with are below that. I've repeatedly had editors remark on how clean my manuscripts are. That's because I've done a lot of polishing at home, and the fiction has already been edited before it goes out.

Anyone whose family members are reasonably honest, and have relevant skills such as teaching, secretarial experience, linguistics, journalism, library work, other extensive reading/writing experience, etc. is perfectly justified in drawing on that expertise. Random people who just say "This is great!" or "This sucks," however, are not very useful. That does describe the kind of folks that many writers know.

>>Still, both my wife and daughter are smart, independent-minded, learned individuals who will tell me flat-out if something isn't working. <<

You are lucky!