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The Wordsmith's Forge
The Writing & Other Projects of Elizabeth Barrette
Poem: "Hope of the Future"
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ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: April 28th, 2011 07:33 pm (UTC) (Link)


"As friends" means sharing bed space without having sex. One drawback to poetry -- especially metrical poetry -- is that it doesn't have room for detailed explanations.
wolfbrotherjoe From: wolfbrotherjoe Date: April 29th, 2011 10:36 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well...

That's how I took it, but it broke the flow for me. I stopped and went, "Wait, what? Where did that - ... Oh, right. She probably means..." It's a lovely poem, I just tripped halfway through.

So if you want to portray that they were sharing a bed, perhaps...

Elan smiled and let loose the stress he wore.
"Let us be friends," the young elf swore,
So they shared Hope's bed, but nothing more.

Or something like that? Just tossing out ideas. *^_^* I don't mean to be rude or anything, it's just the sort of feedback I'd hope to get on my writing.
the_vulture From: the_vulture Date: August 5th, 2011 04:12 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well...

Ya know (and I understand I'm late coming to this), I parsed it for the meaning she pretty much intended, despite knowing full well what 'sharing a bed' often means. 'Course, I'm asexual, so that might have something to do with it. :)
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: August 5th, 2011 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well...

Oh, good. I was hoping it would work from that perspective. This feedback is very useful.

Two factors at play here:

1) I was deliberately playing against the presupposition that sharing a bed equates to sexual intercourse.

2) They pretty much had to share. Elan didn't have a blanket and couldn't afford a bed of his own. Hope wasn't willing to leave him in the lurch.
the_vulture From: the_vulture Date: August 5th, 2011 10:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Well...

Well, it did seem to get a couple folks to double-take. :)
17 comments or Leave a comment