Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith

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Poem: "the two alchemists"

This poem came from the April 5, 2011 Poetry Fishbowl.  It was inspired and sponsored by marina_bonomi.  She wanted to see what would happen with a Chinese-style alchemist and our paper mages.  But it turns out there are two  approaches to alchemy ...

To read the other poems in the Origami Mage series, visit the "Serial Poetry" page on my website.


the two alchemists


in the high mountains
the origami mage met
an old alchemist

he was practicing
the internal alchemy:
jing  and qi  and shen

they talked by his well
about their rivals and roads,
their joys and regrets

"tell my rival, if
you see him: I have found the
key to happiness"

"tell my rival, if
you see her: I am learning
all about patience"

the alchemist said:
"it would seem that we are on
the same path, my dear"

in the low valleys
the kirigami mage met
an old alchemist

he was practicing
the external alchemy:
metal elixirs

they talked by his hearth
about their rivals and goals,
their hopes and their fears

"I want to learn how
to cut to the heart of the
matter," she whispered

"I wanted the pill
of immortality, but
I was not ready"

"if you could still die,"
asked the kirigami mage,
"would you choose to go?"

the old alchemist
nodded, so she cut for him
an eight-spoked fălún

"tell my rival, if
you see him, that he was right
after all," he said

she agreed, and said,
"I hope that you don't meet my
rival where you go"

then she loaned him her
scissors to cut himself free
of immortal life

she watched his spirit
ride the Dharma Wheel toward a
new lesson at last

kirigami mage
prayed that her rival still walked
among the living

Tags: cyberfunded creativity, fantasy, fishbowl, poem, poetry, reading, science fiction, writing
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  • 24 comments
It's a very interesting dynamic to witness between the characters, especially upon seeing that the kirigami mage may not be as much of an antagonist as first presented. :)
The antagonist in a story isn't always evil, just has a goal that somehow opposes the protagonist. They might be competing for the same thing, they might be pulling in opposite directions, or one could be in the other's way. These two have at least gotten past the point of pulling in totally opposite directions, and have started to show glimmers of harmony; but they've got some distance to go before they get out of each other's way yet.
But the key is that the antagonist presents some sort of challenge to the protagonist. We've been told thatt Kirigami Mage is a rival, but, really, we haven't seen any rivalling going on (and, yes, I KNOW you're not supposed to use 'rival' as a verb in this fashion XD ). I'm just sayin'...
Yes, there are pieces missing from earlier in the plot arc, as well as the end not being done yet. We don't have the initial spark that set them off, although we know that at least part of it has to do with the difference between their arts and how their magic expresses itself. But I suspect there's some kind of personal conflict as well. (Certainly the Kirigami Mage is jealous of the Origami Mage.) So that happens, and they wind up competing somehow -- maybe trying to outdo each other, or reach some kind of goal. Then it shifts to the 'chase' mode that characterizes the middle of the story arc. Eh, the pieces will fall into place eventually.
Clearly, more poetry about these two needs to be written. :)
Indeed it does, and I enjoy seeing what people ask for and wish to explore.