impressed
haikujaguar has posted an insightful analysis of the proper use of "How are you?" as a greeting exchange. This includes an explanation of its purpose (summarizing both people's emotional/physical state prior to conversation) and some pitfalls to avoid. This is extraordinarily useful information that could improve the quality of conversation on a wide scale. Go read it and put it into use:http://haikujaguar.livejournal.com/412706.html
Some brief additional observations:
1) Usage varies somewhat by region. Differences in expectations of people from different regions can cause misunderstandings.
2) "I'm fine" is still a useful standard response for indicating neutral-to-positive status. It works, so doesn't need to be changed.
3) Beginning each conversation with a brief exchange of people's emotional/physical state is a good way to avoid a great deal of stress, because it allows participants to fine-tune how they say things based on clues to what the other person is currently up to handling. It's easier to celebrate the highs and sympathize with the lows when you know, going in, roughly where on the emotional thermocline someone is.
July 20 2007, 18:30:39 UTC 13 years ago
2 is very true. My neutral-neutral response is "Tired, and you?" which has the benefit of being almost always true, while also being something everyone can relate to. Having a set of stock responses for your various moods can save you a lot of trouble; my scale goes from 1 to 4 for casual interactions with strangers to passing friends, and proceeds: "Fine, and you?" to "Oh, tired, you?" to "Ready for this day|week to be over!" and finally to "I've had better days."
3 is an excellent point, and even selfishly useful: you are not going to get much mileage out of your good news (or your request for help or consideration of a topic) from someone who is in a bad place, so knowing in advance that you need to put something off for a more opportune time is invaluable. :)
My set
July 21 2007, 00:29:02 UTC 13 years ago
Okay = able to cope, come what may; resources at or near maximum.
Fine = impaired in some fashion, in a way that is closed to discussion and assistance; pretend nothing's wrong. I've used this so much that I sometimes say "fine" when the case is "okay," but if questioned will clarify.
Tired / Busy = notably less than full resources available, but not running on empty; somewhat available for important but not trivial tasks. This is frequent for me, but I usually know when to quit and rest.
I have had better days = one nerve left, don't get on it.
Wrecked / Miserable = you have permission and grounds to worry about me, as you will never hear this unless you are family or a relevant professional.
Interestingly, I realize that my highpoint marker varies more -- I may say terrific, ecstatic, thrilled, bouncy, etc. That means don't be surprised if I nearly knock you down hugging hello. But if I'm that far up the scale, it's not like I need to *tell* you: it will be obvious upon first sight. People don't usually say "How are you?" then. They say something like "Wow, what has you so perky?" Which of course uncorks the champaign bottle to release the bubbly.