Elizabeth Barrette (ysabetwordsmith) wrote,
Elizabeth Barrette
ysabetwordsmith
  • Mood: ecstatic

Walking on a Tightrope That Was Buried in the Mud

Back in my college days, my favorite professor and I got into an argument about a poem. Prof. Kaufmann thought it was badly written. I thought it was the best description of a broken-down veteran that I'd ever read. (I knew one growing up; that's him in a nutshell.) We spent most of an hour arguing happily, while the rest of the class sat wide-eyed and silent, watching the show with some trepidation. The main point of contention that stuck in my head was over the tightrope. Prof. Kaufmann contended that there was no threat to a tightrope that was on the ground. I contended that, with the rope hidden, a) you couldn't see where to put your feet, and b) you had no way of knowing how deep the mud was.

That image, for me, has become iconographic for PTSD: walking on a tightrope that's buried in the mud. It has stayed in my mind all these years; it was in my mind when I wrote "Pebbles from the River Lethe." But I couldn't find the darn poem. I spent years searching for it online, and tonight beckyzoole found a poem that she'd been hunting. So I tried one more time -- and found mine.


I've Seen Some Lonely History
by Leonard Cohen


I've seen some lonely history
The heart cannot ignore
I've scratched some empty blackboards
They have no teachers for

I trailed my meager demons
From Jerusalem to Rome
I had an invitation
But the host was not at home

There were contagious armies
That spread their uniform
To all parts of my body
Except where I was warm

And so I wore a helmet
With a secret neon sign
That lit up all the boundaries
So I could toe the line

My boots got very tired
Like a sentry's never should
I was walking on a tightrope
That was buried in the mud

Standing at the drugstore
It was very hard to learn
Though my name was everywhere
I had to wait my turn

I'm standing here before you
I don't know what I bring
If you can hear the music
why don't you help me sing?
Tags: personal, poetry
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  • 3 comments
lady_ravenlocke

lady_ravenlocke

March 12 2008, 06:07:56 UTC 13 years ago

That's very powerful. I wish I had something more in-depth to say on it, but suffice to say that this poem will be getting printed out and put with all the other things I look to for inspire me when I write for military-types in my fiction (be it present-day type military, or military in my fantasy work).
daev

daev

March 12 2008, 07:33:50 UTC 13 years ago

I remember meeting you on the very first day of college in Milo Kaufmann's office. I'm glad he stayed your favorite professor; he was always mine.
ysabetwordsmith

ysabetwordsmith

March 16 2008, 05:20:38 UTC 13 years ago

*smile* I remember that too. He's in the dedication of my book Composing Magic. Are you still in touch with him?