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The Wordsmith's Forge
The Writing & Other Projects of Elizabeth Barrette
Poem: "flowing water, folding boat"

This poem was inspired and sponsored by marina_bonomi.  Of course I wondered what the Origami Mage would do with "The Folding Boat" previously described.  It seems she was in a spot of trouble ...

flowing water, folding boat

flowing water runs
high and heavy with spring rain
covering the ford

origami mage
hears the hunters behind her
but does not fear them

swiftly fingers fold
hat, diamond, and triangle
then open the boat

folding boat wants to
follow the flowing water
far from flooded ford

flowing water wants
to flow under folding boat
flooding free and far

how hopeless it is
to chase the folding boat on
the flowing water

origami mage
smiles and waves as her craft
carries her away

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Current Mood: busy busy

16 comments or Leave a comment
janetmiles From: janetmiles Date: May 11th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I like this one a lot! Yay for the origami mage!
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: May 12th, 2010 12:37 am (UTC) (Link)

Thank you!

I'm really glad this one got sponsored. I had fun with it.
jenny_evergreen From: jenny_evergreen Date: May 12th, 2010 12:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Love it!
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: May 12th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC) (Link)


Thank you. I'm glad you liked this.
raindrops From: raindrops Date: May 12th, 2010 12:43 am (UTC) (Link)
I really like the turn in the last stanza. Brava! :)
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: May 12th, 2010 12:44 am (UTC) (Link)

Thank you!

I had fun with the layered meanings in this poem.
eseme From: eseme Date: May 12th, 2010 02:15 am (UTC) (Link)
This is very cool! The lines really flow well, and I can see that. Origami magic would be powerful indeed. It just takes me longer to fold a dragon...
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: May 12th, 2010 02:23 am (UTC) (Link)

Thank you!

I tried to create the sense of rushing water in this poem.

I think part of the challenge to this magical system is that you could make certain things happen very quickly, while others would take a long time. You'd have to figure out, not only what would do the job, but what would do it soon enough.
siege From: siege Date: May 12th, 2010 02:59 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

kirigami mage
makes one swift, straight line at boat
with fingernail

one flick of bright steel
downward slides the paper keel
a folded boat must sink
wyld_dandelyon From: wyld_dandelyon Date: May 12th, 2010 03:53 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!


A fun poetic reply to a fun poem!
siege From: siege Date: May 12th, 2010 04:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

*bows* I am glad to share.

marina_bonomi From: marina_bonomi Date: May 12th, 2010 01:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

Bravo! :-)

Even though I hope the origami mage has an ace up her sleeve...
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: May 12th, 2010 04:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

Now that I have time to read this and think about it ... I don't think their magic works that way.

First, they don't "cast" spells across a distance, but rather manifest them in hand through folded (and/or cut) paper. It's possible that a figure, once folded, might be carried or tossed a little ways before fully manifesting. Usually if there's motion, it's an animated figure moving, like a bird flying.

Second, I'm not sure if they can influence each other's figures directly; I suspect not. The mage's power would have to be in the thing to make it work, and that tends to keep other power out. Hence the figures dueling against each other in "cutting and folding" -- the mages are influencing what happens not by manipulating each other's figures or magic directly, but rather by responding to an opponent's move with a figure designed to counter it or attack anew.

I don't know all the rules yet; I'm feeling my way through them as I go along. I do know they are somewhat different than the usual depictions of magic.

The image I got in this poem was of the Origami Mage disappearing around a riverbend just as the pursuers arrived on the bank. So to continue pursuit, they'd have to catch up with her somehow, or create an attack figure that could follow her, or do something to the river itself that could reach downstream to her. I think.

That said, I'm flattered that you were intrigued enough by the storyline to add to it! Thinking about this has been very useful, so thank you.

Edited at 2010-05-12 04:57 pm (UTC)
siege From: siege Date: May 12th, 2010 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

I'm glad for the opportunity.

Considering, if a/the kirigami mage carried paste as well as scissors, they could easily and quickly make a flat-bottomed boat and paddles for the soldiers to row after the origami mage. Just a plate, then use strips of paper to paste the sides onto the plate, then fold and twist wide strips to make canoe paddles.

Follow that up with a paper arrow and bow, the arrow with a hole in its wide tip as an eye, to scout for the kirigami mage...
ysabetwordsmith From: ysabetwordsmith Date: May 15th, 2010 01:48 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Thank you!

She could probably make a boat without needing paste, just cutting and folding. I really like the idea of the bow and arrow! Must remember those.
marina_bonomi From: marina_bonomi Date: May 12th, 2010 01:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
One now wonders how she found herself in that tight spot, and if she has any resource against the move of the kirigami mage. :-)
16 comments or Leave a comment