Romance Character Conflicts

Good thoughts!

If you haven't already, go read some Marion Zimmer Bradley Darkover novels. Particularly the Renunciate's Saga which contains "Shattered Chain", Thendara House", and "City of Sorcery". This sub-series features unique characters who's love is manifested in unusual ways and the problems they encounter are distinctive. I'd also say that The Forbidden Circle cycle of books that are also part of this world contain some interesting and complex relationship issues....

I think romance writers know very well that love doesn't solve everything, and they probably know multiple people in all the situations you've suggested. They write the stories the way they're written as escapism for other people, who, like them, wish that love solved everything, know it doesn't and don't want to have to look it in the eye again. They are tired of that truth.

It's like reading space opera, knowing that half the stuff in it is ridiculous and couldn't work. We know that. It's not why we read it. We read it to not have to confront difficult things we're already all too cognizant of and dealing with in RL.

Does that make sense? I'm tired, so I'm not sure how coherent I am.

I was thinking the same thing actually. It's similar to some of the "cozy" mystery tropes. After the initial theft/murder/whatever, all other things will be narrow escapes at most & all things will be wrapped up neatly by the end.

BTW, for what it's worth, I'm also working on a story for Torn World that involves two very different people who are going to find themselves attracted to each other but will have a difficult time making it work because their lives are so very different and in some ways diametrically opposite. (Now if only one of the characters would speak in her own voice for me rather than a voice I KNOW is coming from another story I'm not working on right now.....Damnit she needs to sound like herself, not just a carbon copy of someone else's character.)

Interestingly, "South Pacific" has two examples of romances where something other than misunderstanding is happening. (I'm referring both to the musical and the book it's based on.)

Lieutenant Joe Cable and Liat are briefly separated by his racial and class prejudice (a Tonkinese girl is great as a wartime girlfriend, but not someone he'll bring home to mother), but he overcomes it. Sadly, though, he's killed in action.

Lieutenant Nellie Forbush and Emile de Becque are also briefly separated by prejudice, when Nellie realizes that her beloved comes with his two half-Tonkinese children. But she is also able to overcome her prejudice, and this romance ends happily when Emile survives the same attack that had killed Joe.

I can tell you that for readers who've lived through the kinds of conflicts you're listing, they kind of ruin the escapism that romance is meant to be. (and sometimes they don't, but I'll get to that below)

For instance, I divorced because my ex basically hoodwinked me into moving "temporarily" from my beloved Pacific Northwest back to his beloved Ohio, theoretically just long enough for him to go to graduate school. He got within a two-hour drive of his seven brothers and sisters, and I never was able to pry him loose again. Finally, the only way I was able to go home was alone. Now I suppose we could have compromised and moved to Nebraska or something, and both been miserable, but IME, there's no way to compromise on geography -- one person simply has to give in. Reading a romance where a "compromise" has been reached on the subject, or, worse, where one partner has been made "happy" to give in (because love conquers all, of course), is a pretty much guaranteed wallbanger for me. It ruins the fantasy.

OTOH, I love and adore the romance Lois McMaster Bujold gave her hero Miles Vorkosigan in Komarr and A Civil Campaign, in spite of the fact that my other ex (I'm good at a lot of things, marriage not being one of them) was very much like Ekaterin's first husband. But Miles, in his inimitable way, opened doors for her instead of making her make choices. And they have a shared heritage and shared goals. So it works.

The thing is, when you introduce conflicts that can't be solved by Love Conquering All, you have to be really very careful how you tread. How you solve those conflicts can make your book meet the wall faster than just about anything else, if it grates against your reader's personal experiences.

It's different from cozy mysteries and space opera, because most people don't have personal experiences in how those are handled. Most people do have at least some personal experience with romance (and, if they're unlucky, some of those quite possibly insurmountable conflicts you list above), and you don't want to ruin the fantasy for them.

Differences of social class can also be an issue. Or others' misunderstandings. The Tale of Genji, for example, has a subplot where, for various reasons, Genji falsely claims that a young woman is a recently-discovered daughter of his (her mother had been a former lover of his who, for various reasons, had fled the city for the provinces with her then-infant daughter). This results in several uncomfortable situations for the young woman:

A) Genji begins to show interest in her, and she, too, has feelings for him, but he cannot do anything because everyone thinks she's his daughter, and he cannot risk anyone catching them

B) Genji's son, thus her supposed half-brother, speaks to her informally, in a manner appropriate (for Heian nobles) for a male relative, but extremely inappropriate for an unrelated male. She cannot refuse his presence without revealing Genji's lie

C) Her ACTUAL half-brothers begin courting her. Again, she cannot reveal her relationship to them, and is forced to try to gently dissuade them away.

In another situation, Genji was unable to formally marry his great love, Lady Murasaki, because of her low status (mirroring, incidentally, the situation between his father, the Emperor, and his mother, a low-ranking noblewoman at the palace). She is restricted to being, officially, nothing more than a concubine. She later feels threatened when Genji, for political reasons, takes another wife, a high-ranking princess, although Genji has no feelings for her.

(Actually, one of the messages of the book seems to be "life sucks for women", so many of the female characters find themselves trapped in dilemmas created by the men around them)

ABSOLUTELY! And why I don't read romance. I'm bored to death with the stupid misunderstanding. Give me a REAL conflict not a manufactured one.